Who am I becoming?

Who am I becoming?  I really don't know.  Part of me is happy for the progress I'm making to better myself.  Going to acupuncture and counseling is really starting to pay off.  I can tell that I'm reacting in a more reasonable manner in stressful situations.  I feel like I haven't ripped my husband's head off in a few days, so that's good.  When it comes to having patience with myself, my daughter, and Jake, I can see an improvement, and that makes me feel better about myself.  Yay for that. 

But, on the other hand, I feel completely opposite of everything I just said in other regards.  This whole "trying to conceive" thing is really taking a toll on me. It's making me a bitter, emotional, jealous, self-conscious, health nut.  Who am I becoming?  I don't like this person, and I want to avoid being like this, but it seems the only way to avoid it is to STOP trying to get pregnant, and I don't want that.  I do all things I can to attempt to be relaxed about this whole process, but who can really relax when you know you're not ovulating, you know your uterus is fucked up, and it feels as if the world is passing you by.  It's getting to the point where it seriously find it hard to be happy when people tell me they're pregnant.  Yes, of course I'm happy for them, but I'm sad for me.  Ya know?  I look at my beautiful daughter, and watch her do the cutest things and it makes me want another one just like her.  Yes, I'm happy and thankful that I have her, but why can't I give her a sibling? Why can't I give my wonderful husband another child to be such a great father to?  Why can't I grow one more baby inside of me?  I hope it happens, sooner than later, but at least that it just happens.