The fourth trimester

If you notice I haven't been around much, that's because the 4th trimester kicked my ass! Never heard of the 4th trimester? Well, it's a real thing! And, surving the 4th trimester with a colicky baby who has reflux, and a type of lactose intolerance  is just exhausting.... Especially when big sister is home full time and full of energy, excitement, and sass. With all that said, I fucking love my life. I get to stay home with my two babies, and there is literally no place I would rather be. Well, maybe Hawaii. Hawaii would be nice. But, only for a few days, then I'd be ready to be back home with my babies, my husband, my friends.... My crew.

The first 6-12 weeks with a newborn is a whirlwind of emotions. Love. Exhaustion. Euphoria. Pain. Happiness. Fear. There are many highs and lows. Wyatt was diagnosed with reflux at 4 weeks old. We started Zantac, and it did nothing. We discontinued it since he is a "happy spitter". This basically means his reflux is more of a laundry problem than a medical problem. It doesn't bring him any pain, and he's not losing weight. He just spits up a lot. All day, everyday. His pediatrician and I suspected that he had more than just reflux. Some tests were ran and came back that he was "highly lactose intoerant". I plan to dedicate an entire post to this in the very near future because it's a common condition that is generally misunderstood by both pediatricians and parents. But basically, he suffers from "lactose overload" because he lacks enough lactase enzymes to breakdown the lactose that naturally occurs in breastmilk and/or traditional formula.  This is an intolerance that fades over time. But, once he is overloaded, he becomes miserable in so many ways. My sweet baby boy was quite the fuss bucket to say the least from about week 4 until 10 weeks old. Around 10 weeks of age, Wyatt slowly began to adapt to world outside the womb. His lactose overload is getting easier and easier to manage. His reflux is still in full force, which  means he gets to wear multiple adorable outfits a day! He is growing into a smiley, very active, very talkative, chunky, and extremely loved little guy. He is currently 14 weeks old and a little over 13lbs! Time flies! 

The 4th trimester affects the mother as well. I suffered from postpatrum depression, again. I had it with Taylor. I knew the signs. I knew that the way I felt wasn't normal. I knew I needed to get back on Zoloft for awhile. It helped tremendously.  I have the typical 4th trimester body. Ever heard of the Fourth Trimester Bodies Project? If not, check it out! It's very uplifting for new mamas. Basically, not everyone pops out a baby and looks like a model 8 days later!!

The key, for me, has been to figure out how to dress my postpatrum body. There are so many factors to consider: Easy access for breastfeeding. Colors/prints that hide spit up. Flowy clothing that a) hides all my insecurities and b) keeps you from sweating up a storm. Hormones do a trick on my sweat glands! And, finding things that flatter my new figure instead of making me look like I belong on the people of WalMart gallery. I'm now off the Zoloft and am feeling great! And, I've got a pretty big variety of clothes that I feel good in. Clothes that make me feel great about my new body and all the blessings it has given me. 

The 4th trimester was rough on the whole family. Even Taylor. Fortunately, Taylor didn't lash out against "baby brother". She didn't regress. She wasn't  disobedient. Instead, she became extremely sensitive, and overly attached to Jake and I. This was all very new behavior. We had never experienced this before. Prior to Wyatt's birth, I wouldn't describe Taylor as sensitive. And, she would easily go with either grandma, and any close family friends to do child friendly activities without Jake or I. That all changed the minute we left for the hospital and lasted about 12 weeks. And, I can't say I disliked it. It was kind of special to have her feel so attached to us. But, then it got old real quick :) Luckily, Taylor too had adapted to this new world. She's pretty much back to her old self, and just as I suspected, she is a fabulous big sister. Wyatt is very blessed to have her as his big sissy. 

All in all, having a newborn is great and all, but I'm glad that part of my life is over for good. Newborns are hard! So hard! Some moms handle it better than others. I'm not one of them. Some newborns are easy. They sleep all day and sleep through the night from week one. Wyatt was not one of these. And, that's okay. We are all adjusting. Everyday has it's ups and downs, but there are now more ups than downs. We are all getting more sleep, which is key! I look forward to experiencing all his firsts: first laugh, first roll, first bite of food, and so on. 

To all my fellow bloggers...... I'm still reading! I might not comment enough or ever, and for that I apologize. I promise to get on that in the near future. But, I'm still reading, rooting, praying, sending positive vibes, laughing, crying, and smiling. There are so many positive things happening for so many of you, and that makes me very happy! 

I am content

Do you have any clue how good it feels to write those 3 words..... I am content!  On March 4, 2013 I wrote a post about how I was trying to become content with my life.  Being content isn't something that comes easy for me.  For most people really.  I'm always planning.  Always wanting something more.  Always working to improve.  And, while it isn't necessarily bad to do those things, there is a great feeling of relief and comfort that comes from being content. 

I always knew I wanted two children.  I've never imagined more.  Never less.  So, obviously secondary infertility really through me through the ringer.  I tried my hardest to give up my dream of having another child once we knew it might not ever happen.  And although I could let it go for a day or two.  I just couldn't give up.  In fact, if Wyatt wasn't here now, I don't know that I would have given up.  I was already planning for surrogacy in the back of my mind.  Luckily, that wasn't needed, and we were blessed with little Wyatt who completes our family of four.  I am content with our family. 

Since first moving to the armpit of California, aka Bakersfield, I've always wanted to move.  Then, once I married Jake, we both planned to move. First to the Lake Tahoe area.  Then, once we decided that was too far, we thought about the Oakhurst area.  Then, the Central Coast.  Anywhere but here! Well guess what, it feels so good to say that I'm actually very content living here.  I love my house.  I love that I'm less than an hour away from my parents and in-laws.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE my little neighborhood and all the friends that we have here.  I adore my circle of friends, and I can't imagine leaving them.  Yes, the central coast is paradise.  But, I can vacation there.  I can be there in 3 hours or less.  I have learned that being near my family and my support system is more important to me. This might change down the road, but for now I am content with where we live. 

I've always struggled with my body image.  Why, I don't really know.  Probably because I have a pudgy stomach no matter how fit or skinny I am, and I'm very self conscious about it (Thanks, Dad).  Ironically, I struggled with my body image the most when I was the skinniest.  I was always so worried about what I was eating down to the last calorie.  I was so worried that if I didn't get at least an hour workout in that I might gain weight or lose my muscle tone.  But most of the negativity stemmed from infertility.  I began to doubt my body.  Hate my body.  Resent my body.  It was hard to look in the mirror.  I was mad at my body.  Once I hit the second trimester with Wyatt, that all started to change.  I loved my bump.  I loved my growing body.  I loved showing off my baby bump that I worked so hard to achieve.   Since having Wyatt, I've gone through some ups and downs about the way I look postpartum.  I'm 10lbs heavier than pre-pregnancy.  I'm flabby, giggly, and pale.  My former self would be at the gym twice a day, and eating raw veggies and chicken breast daily. After my initial pity party that breastfeeding wasn't going to be instant liposuction for me, I find myself being pretty content with my heavier, softer, bigger self.  Do I want to stay this was forever? NO! And, I know that I wont.  I love to exercise, and we eat healthy as it is.  But, I'm not in a hurry.  For now, I am content with this postpartum body that gave me two miracle children that I love more than I can put into words.