Pregnancy update: made it to viability

I don't even know if I knew about this special marker when I was pregnant with Taylor.  Like I've said in the past, I was a different pregnant person with Taylor than I am now.  I still stressed a lot, and was worried about loss, but once I got out of the first trimester... that all started to dwindle.  

Apparently, 24 weeks marks the time when viability increases.  That means, from this week forward, our miracle baby has a chance at survival.  Granted it's only around 50%, it's still a huge jump.  I'll take it!!  This is just another pregnancy milestone that feels AMAZING to hit. 

In other news, I made the switch back to my old OB (Dr. D) and his super large and annoying office.  All in all, I'm happy I made the switch back.  I've already had my fair share of issues with some of the broads over the phone, but I'm happy to say that it was a HUGE relief to be seen by my old OB.  Being seen by him just felt like I was home.  It felt right.  Since I can't seem to have it all in this hellhole city (a nice, knowledgeable staff + a supportive patient-centered OB) I'll stick with the OB whom I feel most at ease with. 

So far, my second trimester really has been the honeymoon trimester.  Most days I feel pretty good.  My energy level is back.  The nausea is gone for the most part.  And, the best part is that I'm finally looking pregnant! I'm obsessed with my bump! Taylor and Jake are pretty obsessed with it as well.  Even at 24 weeks, some days it's still hard to believe that I'm actually pregnant.  That we finally did it. Science is effin awesome!

My daughter is absolutely obsessed with her "baby brother".  Everything is about her baby brother.  And, it warms my heart each and every time she brings it up.  I want to cry happy tears every time she rubs, gently pats, or kisses my tummy.  This beautiful child of mine has waited a long time to be a big sister.  And, she is going to be a very good big sister.  

Here's a little pregnancy update.  I went back and forth on whether or not to do these.  And, I decided to do them on occasion.  My reasoning is because I'm not keeping a pregnancy journal this time as I did last time.  So, I want to be able to look back and see how things changed.  I want to enjoy this pregnancy to it's fullest because it took a lot of hard work and determination to get here. 

How far along?  24 weeks 3 days
Total weight gain?  14-15 lbs.  It seems like a lot, but I'm right on track for my pre-pregnancy weight. 
Maternity clothes?  Yes! I live in maternity leggings and tops from Target or Motherhood Maternity! I love showing off that bump, but being comfy at the same time
Stretch marks?  Not yet. 
Sleep:  eh, so so.  I'm sleeping with half of the Boppy maternity pillow and that seems to help.  But, sometimes I'm just uncomfortable. 
Best moment this week:  hearing baby's heartbeat on the Doppler at the new OB's office
Miss anything?  Beer.  It's been so frikin hot and dry here, that I'm craving beer.  I'm sticking to water, but I do miss it.  It's all worth it though
Movement: Yes! Lots of it!  It's the absolute best!
Food cravings:  Fresh fruit, bagels and cream cheese, and coffee.  I love coffee.  But, I limit myself to one regular sized mug a morning.
Anything make you queasy or sick?  Most veggies, which is hard because I usually LOVE veggies, the smell of wine or hard alcohol, black beans, and most salad dressings.
Gender:  Boy... we think..... we were told boy at the elective gender ultrasound.  It was pretty dang obvious.  My initial OB started second guessing the boy saying it was just the cord.  We shall find out this Friday at our fetal survey for sure :)
Labor Signs:  I have BH contractions. I don't feel them, but I can feel my tummy harden.  OB checked my cervix.  It was measuring a 5+, closed, and hard.  So, I'm good there. 
Symptoms:  Stuffy.  I'm starting to get achy at the gym.  Exercise other than walking and light weights is starting to get hard.  Up until a few days ago, I could carry on my regular routine that I started during our FETcycle, and had to make sure I wasn't over doing it.  Now, I know I'm not over doing it, as I don't have it in me to do so. 
Belly button in or out?  In. Although my hernia that I've had for a couple years seems to be popped out for good now. 
Wedding rings on or off?  I normally wear 3 bands: engagement, wedding, and anniversary.  I've bumped it down to just the engagement as the 3 together is just too tight.  I noticed a couple of weeks ago, that the pregnancy swell is beginning. 
Looking forward to:  Fetal survey on Friday.  I'm also looking forward to hitting the 3rd trimester mark in just 3.5 weeks! Eek!

OB office dilemma.... Do I stay or do I leave?

I've got quite the dilemma on my hands.  When I was 9 weeks pregnant and graduating from my RE, I decided to switch from my current OB, who I LOVE.  I made the switch because he works for a large practice with many other OB's.  The old office is very impersonal, and the staff is rude and unprofessional.  I decided to go to a single practice that was recommended by a friend.  The office is very small, personal, and the staff is so friendly and on top of things.  But, I'm growing to like the actual OB less and less with each appointment.  Actually, I don't like him at all. 

Things started out great at the new office.  He does an ultra sound every visit.  He says it's his way of being as knowledgeable about the pregnancy as he can. I thought it was awesome because I got to see baby with every appointment.  After dealing with infertility and loss, I can say that the routine u/s sealed the deal for me with this new OB.  The first few OB appointments are pretty general "Yes, you are still pregnant", "Yes, baby is growing appropriately", "Everything looks good", "See you in 4 weeks." Now that we are nearing the third trimester (can you believe it??? I hardly can't!!! Me? Nearing my third trimester????Amen!) I'm really second guessing my switch.  This  OB has been in practice for 10 years, but he is as arrogant and cocky as some doctors might be after, say 30 years of practice.  I'm really not digging this at all.  I'm very uncomfortable with the way he puts down other practices, doctors, and professions (Infertility specialists being one) with every appointment.  Here are some examples:
1) He brought up how he feels he is a very accessible doctor because he gives out his cell phone number.  I said "Yes, I appreciate that.  My RE did this as well, and I loved it," His response "Well, Infertility doctors do it for different reasons.  They are only in their profession for the money, so of course they will make themselves accessible." I don't agree with this, and I think it's untrue, of my RE at least. 
2) I brought up how my main concern with a repeat C-section is the recovery while having a very active 4 year old at home.  His response "I know that my surgery will be much better than your previous surgery.  I challenge you to see how much better it is this time, and how much faster you recover than with your last doctor." Mind you, my surgery and recovery were FINE last time.  I don't have any complaints, and I was clear with him on that.  It's just that it will be my third huge abdominal surgery.  I'm uncomfortable with they way he is constantly comparing himself to other doctors, and insinuating that he is superior. 
3) He comes in my room and apologizes for running late and proceeds with this story without me even asking. Here's the just of it:  "I don't like to just hand out medicine.  In fact I don't really like medicine at all (what??? you're a doctor??) I have so many patients coming in here with what they call PPD, or I call the baby blues wanting 'a pill'.  I don't like giving them a pill.  I think it's an issue of not having enough support or marital problems. And they just don't want to address the problem and would rather wash it down with a pill.  Sometimes I think I should have been a counselor because I help people with all their marital problems, and I don't even have the perfect marriage myself...... my wife  doesn't have the best communication skills....." You get the point?  I have a lot of issues with this. First of all, he is ALWAYS bringing up other clients issues, which is unprofessional and unnecessary in my opinion.  Second of all, as someone who has needed "a pill" at many times in my life WITH support AND counseling, I don't agree with him.  I get his point, and I do think this may be this issue sometimes, but not always.  I have two very dear friends dealing with extreme PPD right now.  BOTH of these ladies have TONS of support.  Supportive husbands.  supportive families.  supportive friends.  And, they still need "a pill" for the time being. 
4)" I have 20 patients going through IVF right now....." I asked "IVF or just infertility treatments in general", to which he assured me it was IVF.  I call bullshit.  For such a small practice.  I highly doubt you have 20 patients currently going through IVF. I feel he just said this to make it seem like he really knows the ins and outs of infertility and IVF. 

My main concern is that he is less knowledge about unciornaute uterus than my other OB.  He acts like he knows what he's talking about, but to me it seems he is just trying to sound like he does. It's a very rare condition, and so even specialists know very little, but he seems to be less knowledgable than my previous doctors.   This makes me uncomfortable the further down the road I go with him.  It also makes me very uncomfortable that he seems more worried about his stats, and his pride than my general well being.  I'm sure this is the case with most doctors, BUT they don't let that be known!

I haven't been that thrilled with this OB since the second appointment, but I've stuck it out for the incredible staff, and the routine u/s that help ease my worried mind.  I think about going back to the larger practice with the doctor I already know I love and trust, but the thought of that office and the long waits and such makes me cringe.  When it's all said and done, it seems that either way, I'll be unhappy with part of the deal.  It shouldn't have to be that way, right? Is it so hard to have a great doctor and a great staff???? At the end of the day, it seems most important to love the doctor, not the staff.  The doctor is the one who's care I'm in.  The doctor is the one who has my best interests in mind, not the staff. 

So, at 23 weeks pregnant, do I leave the current office to go back to the doctor that I love with his less than average staff? Or do I get over it and tough it out? After talking to Jake, who has never been a fan of the new guy since he tried to push religion on us at the first meeting, it seems that the choice has been made.  I will be calling my old office today to see what I need to do to be seen by them in the next 3-4 weeks.  I'm left feeling very frustrated.  Frustrated that I can't have both an awesome staff and an awesome doctor..... like I did at my RE's office.  It's far to late in the pregnancy to try another office and another doctor.  Plus, there was only one other office that came highly recommended, but they aren't accepting new patients. 

Any thoughts, words of wisdom, opinions, or just well wishes are greatly appreciated :)

Sharing an article: What you should never EVER say to someone experiencing fertility issues

I always find these type of infertility etiquette articles very helpful... and I can so relate.   I've heard each and every one of those comments, at least once.  Infertility sucks.  Most people will never understand the hurt, frustration, and insecurities that come along with infertility.  But, if you know someone struggling to get or stay pregnant, please read this article.

http://www.mothering.com/community/a/the-things-you-should-never-ever-say-to-someone-experiencing-fertility-issues

Happy New Year

2013 was a rough year.  There were so many ups and downs.  We started of 2013 with stimming for IVF.  We were full of hope. We were thrilled to learn that our first try at IVF was successful.... or so we thought.  That thrill and hope was quickly shot down as I went through my first true miscarriage.... TWICE (first with pills, then with d&c).  The following months after that were a roller coaster and honestly a big blur.  Our first FET was a BFN and I was seriously ready to give up.  I didn't care anymore.  I was falling into a whirlwind of depression and anxiety.  I just wanted to move on.... and I had started to.  Then, in August, we decided to try one last time with our two remaining frosties before truly moving on.  And, we were finally successful.  The months following my BFP, Betas, early u/s were full of joy and fear.  It was extremely hard to believe that this might really happening.... and we might actually get to take home baby in 2014! I have a love hate relationship with 2013 to say the least.

I'm starting 2014 off 21 weeks pregnant with a baby boy, with what seems to be  healthy pregnancy thus far.  After hitting that halfway mark, I can finally say that I think we are going to make it.  I think our family is finally going to be complete, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  My growing belly is a beautiful reminder that I have beat secondary infertility..... with the help of science of course.  The now constant kicks and flutters make me smile and bring a sense of calming and peace.... and I truly could not be more thankful. 

I've learned a lot about myself and who I want to be this year.  I've learned that true friends are hard to come by.  But that true friends will stand by your side through the thick and the thin.  They will do anything to try to make your pain go away.  I've learned that there is NOTHING more important to me than my family.  Without my husband, my daughter, my parents, and my mother in law, I would have nothing.  They have been through this Hell with me.  My pain has been their pain.  My joys have been their joys.  My blessing is their blessing.  I learned that I've become so attached to the relationship I have with some of my closest friends and family that I cannot move out of this shit hole city anytime soon.  We will not live here forever. But, in my daughter's (and soon to be son's) first years of life, I want to be close to my mom.  My mother in law.  My best friends.  My support system.  My comfort zone.  I've learned that my husband truly loves me for who I am.  He has seen me at my worst this year, and he was nothing but supportive. I've learned a lot about my faith and lack there of.  I still don't know exactly where I stand in terms of belief of a higher power.  I want to believe, but I have questions and lots of them. But, what I do know it that there is power in prayer.  It brings me a sense of peace and comfort.  I've become more compassionate towards others.  I have found myself taking more time to help and support others, whether they have asked for it or not.  I've learned that my mom and my husband are my two best friends.  I've learned that parenting is all about choosing your battles, and I don't want to fight them all.

I haven't posted as much as I should.  I'm still struggling with the choice to continue this blog or not.  Most of my readers are struggling with their own infertility.  And, even though there is a sense of joy to see a fellow infertile win the battle.... it still hurts inside. There are days you just don't want to hear about Anybody being successful.  You still be left behind.  Therefore, there is a sense of guilt whenever I post about my joys and successes. But, I've decided to continue with this blog by writing about the things that I need to get off my chest.  No, every post won't be about my pregnancy, nursery, growing belly, etc etc. It will be about the struggles, and issues in my life.  I always feel a type of release when I blog.  And, that's exactly why I created my blog in the first place.  So, I will completely understand if you want to stop following my blog.  But, in an effort to warn my readers of what the topic of a post might be, I plan to make the Title very clear.  If I'm going to write about my pregnancy and such, I will clearly give that "warning" in my title, so it can be easily skipped over.   If my post is about general health, fitness, life, relationships, recipes, etc..... I'll do my best to make that clear in my title. 

I hope that 2014 brings many successes, happiness, and big achievements to all of you.  Happy New Year!