Updates and vacations

It's been awhile since I posted.  I've been extremely busy with all things that scream summertime fun.  We've been hosting and attending many BBQ's, spending time with the grandma's since they are on summer break from school, and taking advantage of me NOT having to schedule around weekly RE appts.  It's been nice to have a break and to spend time with friends and family.  Nice and exhausting all at once.  Packing and unpacking for day trips or week long trips is always well worth the adventure, but after awhile, I just need to slow down, and spend some time at home.

 I've been pretty good emotionally.  I'm coming to terms with Taylor being our only, and working on acceptance.  The let down after a BFN FET was far less emotional and draining than a fresh cycle IVF miscarriage.   Yes, we were sad, but it is what it is.

I had a play date with one of my pregnant friends that went very well.  I was proud of myself for leaving that play date not feeling jealousy, envy, or bitter.  I was super happy for a change.  On that note, I've noticed that my jealousy and bitterness towards pregnant women has become extremely particular.  I'm not jealous of women who are pregnant with their first, no matter the circumstance.  Yes, I still envy their bumps, but I don't have those obnoxious bitter Betty feelings.  My jealousy and bitterness is aimed at those women who are pregnant with #2.  Further more, those whose #1 with around the age of my DD, and even further more those who get a BFP with #2 by sneezing.  There are a few women that are the exception to this rule.  So, I'm happy that I'm growing out of the "I despise every pregnant women in the world" phase, maybe soon, I will be less bothered by any pregnancies around me???? We shall see.

Also, I've noticed that I'm becoming a professional baby bump spotter.  I swear, it's like a sick game for me.  Whenever we're out in public, I'm constantly noticing big pregnant bellies (of course), but I'm also always guessing if someone is barely pregnant when I can see a small, rounded bump.  I know that sometimes I'm probably wrong, and, like me they might have just ate a cheeseburger and fries and just have a "food baby".  But, I think I'm getting pretty darn good at spotting those little baby bumps.  Guess it comes with the infertility, envious territory. 

We just got home from Pismo Beach, Ca today.  Every year since I was in Jr. High I have gone to Pismo with my parents for a week.  Now, Taylor and I join my parents for the whole week, and Jake makes it for the second 1/2 of the week.  I feel extremely blessed that he stays home and urges us to go and enjoy ourselves while he busts out a couple more work days in 100 degree weather.  He is pretty awesome, I must say.  Overall, the weekend was awesome.  We spent plenty of time on the beach building sandcastles and walking along the shore.  But...... I overindulged.... A LOT.  The morning we left, I weighed 138.  Today, after overindulging all week, drinking lots of wine last night, and eating too much at a birthday party today, I stupidly stepped on the scale to weigh in at 148!!!!!! 10 freaking lbs in 7 days!!!!! I'm disgusted with myself.  Now, I know that tomorrow morning it will already be down a couple lbs, but not even close to my ideal weight of 138-140.  UGH.   And, I even logged 16miles of jogging and did some core workouts, too.  But, that's all part of vacation.  Now, it's back to clean eating, and hitting it hard at the gym.

Watching my first polo match in Santa Monica

 Will Rogers estate in Santa Monica

Inspiration Loop

Trying to keep up with the hubs

Taylor and her cousin, Melody.  My sister and my niece came down for a few days from Oregon.  The girls had a blast together.

running through the sprinklers.  To be a kid again......

My niece, Melody

Pismo Beach Pier

 



Just adorable

our sandcastle city

Papa buried us

Zorro's Café in Shell Beach. 

Bee exhibit at San Luis Obispo Children's Museum

This is me. I love this picture because this was such a good evening.  Good friends, beer, and pure bliss. 

I <3 him

tide pool fun

 

 

Taylor and my mom.  They adore one another.

This is an blog about infertility & NOT my life as a whole

My blog is my outlet for all things infertility related.  My blog is by no means a picture of who I am as a whole.  My blog is extremely specific to one small, struggle of my life.  Yes, I do have a few small posts about my beautiful daughter, my loving husband, and my awesome family and friends.  But, mainly, I use this blog to vent.  It's my therapy.  In fact, this blog was started when seeing a counselor strictly for infertility.  She suggested that I start blogging/journaling my struggles, and then if I felt open to it, to make my blog public to help educate the uneducated and the naive.  So that's just what I did and it has helped immensely. 

My most recent blogs posts have been viewed by 20-91 people.  Of those people, I'm willing to guess 50% or less are fellow infertility bloggers or others who are struggling with infertility. So, they get my blog.  In fact, many of them write posts that echo my blog.  And that's simply because we are going through a lot of the same shit.  The same feelings.  The same treatments.  Dealing with the same disappointments.  Therefore, those 50% of viewers don't need to be reminded that my blog only depicts one small portion of my life.  They don't need to be told that I'm not actually some horribly depressed, sad, lost sole ALL OF THE TIME.  Yes, we all have our days, and I have sad and depressing parts of my life, but overall, I'm a very happy, fun to be around person. Infertility is a depressing topic.  Nobody wants to be infertile.  And, if you've never yourself struggled with infertility, you will NEVER EVER understand that.  I, and others, can try to educate you.  We can open your eyes, but you will NEVER EVER feel what we feel. 

Those other 50% of people who "view" my blog are all people who are "keeping tabs" on me in one way or another.  Of those people, there are very few who actually check in with me.  Who speak to me about things other than my infertility.  Who actually see me outside of what I write in my blog.  I made my blog open and encouraged people to read it to learn about infertility and secondary infertility.  To learn about how secondary infertility can affect an otherwise normal woman.  To try to get some grasp of what I'm going through in my struggles to have another baby.  I didn't encourage people to read my blog to form an opinion about how they think my life is as a whole.  Sure,   people want to read my blog to be supportive and to educate themselves.  But, unless you are reaching out to be supportive, or reading to broaden your knowledge on infertility or secondary infertility, then I suggest you stop reading my blog. Please do not base your opinion of my life to it's entirety by this blog alone. 

I'm a fun, loving, easy to get a long with mother, wife, daughter, and friend.  I enjoy my everyday life.  I love spending each and everyday with my daughter.  I love nothing more than having dinner with friends and family.  I find great happiness in riding horses, and do it often.  I'm a hoot to be around when I've had a couple adult bev's and I'm getting my buzz on.  I have lots of friends who I love to be around, and who love to be around me.

My intention of writing this post is to remind people that this is an infertility blog.  It is my journal.  It is my therapy.  I think most people know that.  But, I'm very well aware that there are some of those 20-91 viewers that might need a quick reminder that I'm a very normal functioning member of society.  Infertility affects more people than you think.  And us infertilies are extremely strong women.  We have to face some depressing shit, yet we put our big girl panties on every single day and go on with our lives.  We have fun.  We do all the same things you do, and MORE.  So please, I encourage all of you to continue reading my blog with an open mind, and a kind heart. 

For those of you who would like to ever chat, feel free to email me darcyfaye03@msn.com