My most recent blogs posts have been viewed by 20-91 people. Of those people, I'm willing to guess 50% or less are fellow infertility bloggers or others who are struggling with infertility. So, they get my blog. In fact, many of them write posts that echo my blog. And that's simply because we are going through a lot of the same shit. The same feelings. The same treatments. Dealing with the same disappointments. Therefore, those 50% of viewers don't need to be reminded that my blog only depicts one small portion of my life. They don't need to be told that I'm not actually some horribly depressed, sad, lost sole ALL OF THE TIME. Yes, we all have our days, and I have sad and depressing parts of my life, but overall, I'm a very happy, fun to be around person. Infertility is a depressing topic. Nobody wants to be infertile. And, if you've never yourself struggled with infertility, you will NEVER EVER understand that. I, and others, can try to educate you. We can open your eyes, but you will NEVER EVER feel what we feel.
Those other 50% of people who "view" my blog are all people who are "keeping tabs" on me in one way or another. Of those people, there are very few who actually check in with me. Who speak to me about things other than my infertility. Who actually see me outside of what I write in my blog. I made my blog open and encouraged people to read it to learn about infertility and secondary infertility. To learn about how secondary infertility can affect an otherwise normal woman. To try to get some grasp of what I'm going through in my struggles to have another baby. I didn't encourage people to read my blog to form an opinion about how they think my life is as a whole. Sure, people want to read my blog to be supportive and to educate themselves. But, unless you are reaching out to be supportive, or reading to broaden your knowledge on infertility or secondary infertility, then I suggest you stop reading my blog. Please do not base your opinion of my life to it's entirety by this blog alone.
I'm a fun, loving, easy to get a long with mother, wife, daughter, and friend. I enjoy my everyday life. I love spending each and everyday with my daughter. I love nothing more than having dinner with friends and family. I find great happiness in riding horses, and do it often. I'm a hoot to be around when I've had a couple adult bev's and I'm getting my buzz on. I have lots of friends who I love to be around, and who love to be around me.
My intention of writing this post is to remind people that this is an infertility blog. It is my journal. It is my therapy. I think most people know that. But, I'm very well aware that there are some of those 20-91 viewers that might need a quick reminder that I'm a very normal functioning member of society. Infertility affects more people than you think. And us infertilies are extremely strong women. We have to face some depressing shit, yet we put our big girl panties on every single day and go on with our lives. We have fun. We do all the same things you do, and MORE. So please, I encourage all of you to continue reading my blog with an open mind, and a kind heart.
For those of you who would like to ever chat, feel free to email me darcyfaye03
Well, I am guessing someone did something ignorant or judgmental towards you (or behind your back) to warrant this post. I totally get where you are coming from to just set the record straight on what your whole blogging experience is intended to be.
ReplyDeleteI have often assumed the same thing....that people reading my blog might think infertility is ALL I think about or do. While admittedly it does take up a lot of bandwidth in life right now, there are plenty of other things going on. I don't blog about how I had mind blowing sex with my husband last night, or every single life changing experience I have with my volunteer work helping cancer patients, or all of the plans we are making to totally renovate our yard. Those are ALL GOOD THINGS, so why not share them?
I do share the good stuff occasionally, but like you, my blog was started as an outlet for things I'm struggling with. I don't need as much as an outlet for all the good things. I don't need to go on facebook and post about every little happy moment I experience or write about those things in an effort to just "get it out of my system." It's not the reason I started a blog.
I did it for therapeutic reasons and to connect with others going through the same thing; To have just one person say, "Hey I understand. I'm going through the same thing." It's so that we CAN get out all of the bad stuff and go on enjoying the happy times in life. That is the purpose of blogging for women like us, not to brag about our lives and blow glitter up everyone's asses.
This post was a long time coming. I've started to write something similar, then backed out many times. There have been instances that I think people think that infertility is who I am, and that I'm always one depressed bitter woman. But that isn't the truth, and I felt the need to clarify that. And, I wanted to remind some of my viewers of the purpose of this blog. This is not a blog abut my everyday life, and all the things good. It's used strictly for therapeutic purposes at this moment.
DeleteAs always, thanks for your kind and well thought out words :)
I feel like I want to apologize on behalf of whoever said/did something to hurt you and to make you feel like you needed to clarify the purpose of your blog with this post. I'm not sure what happened, but it sounds like someone assumed that you are your infertility. If that's what happened, that's tough. I'm glad that you were able to process these things through this post. Hope it helped.
ReplyDeleteI think there are certain viewers that do indeed think that I am my infertility. When really infertility is a small part of who I am. And, it did help to clarify ;)
DeleteOh Darcy, I really hope someone didn't say something stupid to you!
ReplyDeleteI wish I fully understood what you're going through with infertility. I have another friend that's dealing with it as well, but she doesn't talk to me. Your blog gives me a little more insight into the whole struggle. I *want* to understand it, and your blog is giving that to me. So I want to thank you for being so open about your infertility. It has helped me grasp a little better what it is that you go through with each treatment. It's helped me to think twice about what I say, when, and how. So thank you...
You will remain in my prayers, that you will get your rainbow baby!!!
~Stacy
I am SO sorry for whoever or whatever has made you feel this way in your own space. This is absolutely your place to vent and say the things in a world that many, many people do not and cannot understand.
ReplyDeleteYou are exactly right. We ARE all fun, strong women that have lives outside of IF, even if it does consume us at times. Good for you for standing up for yourself. I have only respect for all you've gone through and how much strength you've shown.
I'm so glad that you're blogging.... That you've found it as a therapy. I will be here to listen (read) and to cheer you along!! Xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you've had to defend who you are on your blog - in your safe place. Thank you for writing publicly so those of us in the trenches can support you, learn from you and enjoy your friendship. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes people really do see our infertility as our identity. Just as too many people now see me as being pregnant so I must not be infertile anymore. It isn't who we are. But it is part of who we are. I will always carry the sting and pain of what we went through. It has made me stronger. It has made me a different kind of mother. It has changed who I am as a wife and a sister and a person in general. You are not your diagnosis, but it is part of you. You have an incredible life outside of your struggles but I think its healthy to be able to let out your feelings so that you don't allow it to overtake your day-to-day life. I hope you feel supported even by those who may not understand what you are going through. And I hope you doors open up for you to correct or stand up for yourself when people make the assumption that this is who you are. You are so much more than this one trial in your life. Good for you for taking a stand to let people know that you won't be brought down by this battle. You never know how many women's lives you have touched with your strength and your story!
ReplyDeleteI agree. Such a small but overwhelming part or our lives. I started my blog to vent and learn from others with the same pain. Thank you for your posts and keep going!
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