Step 1, Birth Control

There are so many emotions and thoughts constantly running a muck in my head.  Will this work? When will I tell family if it does? When will I tell them if it doesn't? What if this doesn't work?  How will I cope? How will I explain to my beautiful daughter that mommy isn't trying anymore?  This is going to work! Why wouldn't it?  Don't be too confident.  Don't be too doubtful.  Don't stress about it.  How will my daughter do with all the babysitting, and me being gone more in one month than I have in her whole lifetime?  How can I keep myself from stressing?  What if I have bad reactions?  What if?  How? When? Why?....... I could go on an on. 

I repinned this quote the other day on Pinterest and need to deeply implement it into my life.   "The trick is to enjoy life.  Don't wish away your days waiting for better ones! " After all, this is the most wonderful time of the year.  With Christmas just around the corner, and my birthday now less than a month away.  I need to enjoy life.  No, I can't just forget and ignore what is going on.  Yes, it will be impossible to not think about IVF.  But, I need to enjoy my life and all the wonderful things that are happening in the meantime.  I do have a wonderful life.  There is just one little sucky part about it.  But, I don't need to define my life by that one sucky part.  I am constantly waiting for that BFP.  Constantly.  It's so constant, that I find myself missing out on little things.  I regret that.  I will continue to regret it.  So, I need to start enjoying those things. 

I started birth control on Wednesday night.  It seems so counterproductive to be on birth control when actively TTC, doesn't it?  I know full and well that it's all part of the typical protocol for IVF, but I can't help be taken back by seeing that little book of pills on my counter.  It's surreal.  This is the first step towards IVF.  My next appt is Dec. 27, when I will have blood work done, a baseline u/s, and a seminar to go over all the drugs that I will be on.  It's expected that I will start the injections on Jan. 1, 2013.  Happy New Year :)