Offically moving on to IVF

It's all happening.  I'm not sure I'm fully ready, but who is every fully ready for any huge leap?  There is always this fear of failure.  Fear of the unknown. Fear to leave the comfort zone.  Although I'm fearful that IVF will not be successful, I'm ready to take this journey by the horns.  I'm ready.  I've got to stay positive.  Deep down in my heart I have faith that this will work.  It has to work.  The odds are in our favor for once.  IVF here we come. 

I'm having a hard time processing that this is where we are at in our journey to build our family.  When I scheduled my first appt with Fertility and Surgical Associates, I wondered if I should just wait it out and keep TTC naturally, for a few more months.  Then, we slowly learned that our chances were much slimmer on natural cycles than we thought.  Once we decided to start medicated cycles, EVERYBODY, myself included, thought that IVF would NEVER be needed. They/I thought that I would get pregnant with Metformin..........Clomid..... Clomid + IUI.......... Clomid+Injections+IUI  .........Injections+IUI...............  Nope.  One BFP that ended in an early miscarriage and that's it.  Nothing.  It's been too many months of perfectly planned intercourse, too many months of medicated cycles and IUI's, too many months of doing everything we can.  It's time to surrender and leave it all up to science and God.  Last night I laid awake wondering and praying.  Was I making the right decision to move forward with IVF?  Is this what God wants me to do?  I was over analyzing everything, something I'm very good at.  I came to the conclusion that God has led me down this path to make me the person I am.  He has created the the people who created the science to hopefully help me get pregnant.  He has led me to these decisions and I have to choose that path that feels right.  IVF feels right.  I know for a fact that I will never EVER be able to move on without attempting IVF. 

This journey has changed me as a person.  I have learned a lot about myself.  I've learned to not judge other people's situations.  I've learned to be more sympathetic.  I've learned to better deal with defeat and failure.  I've learned to better handle my emotions.  I've learned that jealousy and envy will get you nowhere and will do nothing but ruin you.  I've learned a lot.  I haven't completely changed, but I've grown a lot in the last two years.  Maybe I needed this journey for a reason?  Maybe I didn't.

Good old Aunt Flow showed up unannounced and unwelcome as usual today on CD24.  I put a call in to the nurse today and will soon know when to start the birth control, and get the tentative dates of the IVF cycle.  I'm ready.