For this child I have prayed

"Mommy, I want you to have a baby in your tummy.  Can you try? Are you still trying? I want you to have a girl, and I want her name to be Sophia." - Taylor, 3.5years old, 10/21/2013

Yesterday was my second appointment with my new OB.  I was 11weeks1day.  I'm more than excited to say that everything, once again, went well and on track.  The little bean was kicking and moving.  We saw a strong heartbeat, legs, arms, and an obvious head.  There has been so much change and growth since the last appointment.  I'm in love.  I'm in awe.  I'm still in disbelief that this is really happening.  Most the time it still feels like a dream.  After 2 years of nothing but let downs, I became very used to accepting the bad news and planning for the next attempt to get me to this point.  Now, here we are.  Pregnant, and so close to being in the second trimester. 

The worry and the fear fades with every passing day. It fades with every bout of nausea, and other pregnancy related symptoms.  It faded tremendously after the appointment yesterday.  Knowing that we've seen a strong healthy, progressing baby 4 times now is very reassuring.  Again, I know I'm not in the clear yet, and in no way, shape, or form, do I feel worry free..... but I'm starting to enjoy this the way I should. The way I want to.  We worked damn hard for this.  Prayed a million times for this.  Spent thousands upon thousands of dollars for this.  Went through a lot of emotions, fights, crying, bitterness, and jealousy for this.   I BETTER start enjoying it! We've told almost all of our close family and friends.  Taylor still doesn't know.  I don't really know what's holding us back now, as we said we would if yesterday went well, but neither of us are ready to tell her yet.  She will know soon enough.  We're just not ready.  I'm still scared of breaking her heart if God forbid something went wrong now. 

Yesterday, I cried. A lot. I cried because I was extremely happy and relieved after our appointment.  I cried because I felt blessed.  Because I felt freed from so much pain and sorrow that I've harbored for a very long time.  I cried because our dreams are finally coming true.