10dpt and the results are in

So much has happened since I last posted, and I literally haven't had enough time to sit and write down any of my thoughts.  But, I've also been struggling with writer's block.  I've had a lot of feelings while in the dreaded TWW, but it's nothing new.  There was nothing major to discuss or vent about, and for the last few days I have basically just been going through the TWW motions.  On top of that, I've been keeping myself extremely busy.  We have preschool, gymnastics, packing and unpacking for a trip to the beach, cooking and baking for a friend who just brought home a baby, cleaning, and very moderate exercising at the gym....... 

This is the Greek yogurt, strawberry, banana, whole wheat breakfast bread I baked up during naptime :)

We got home from our mini Labor Day vacation to Avila Beach, CA on Monday evening (7dpt).  I pretty much already had it made up in my mind late that night that I would poas Tuesday morning, unless I could fight the urge.  AND....... I Couldn't fight the urge, and I'm so happy that I tested.  I saw the most beautiful two lines at 8dpt right after dipping the stick.  

Today was my beta (10dpt) and the number came in at 433!!!!!! I'm so happy for this high, strong number. My RE was also happy and confident in the number.  He said it was right on track for a strong single embryo.  We know that there could very well be two in there, and that's perfectly ok.  But, he strongly feels that it would be very slim that both implant AND make it to heartbeat. 

Honestly, until I got the beta today, I was kinda numb.  Obviously, I was happy, but it was different this time.  I was scared to get excited.  Jake was scared to get excited.  Even though I POAS twice and got incredibly dark lines, I needed to hear that number.  Now, I feel a little more happiness, and little more excitement.  But, I think I will still be worried and guarded until we see a heartbeat... or two. 

I WANT to be a tad more happy and excited about this. Worry free. Blissful.  Ignorant even.  It's not possible to go back to the old me and how I was when I got pregnant with Taylor, but I'm going to make a serious conscious effort to worry less.  To live for the moment.  To enjoy the days that I AM PREGNANT. 

In the past few days, I have really felt the love and support from my real life friends, family, as well as my fellow bloggers and the infertility community.  I've had numerous people email or text me to show me their love and support.  And, that seriously means the WORLD to me.  Thank to all of you from the bottom of my heart who have commented, texted, emailed, prayed, thought happy thoughts, whatever.  I decided to share this journey in the first place to bring awareness and to gain support.  And, I must say, it is definitely working.  I definitely felt the love this cycle, as well as every other cycle.... through both the highs and the lows. 

My next Beta will be Monday or Tuesday.  I can pick the day.  Ideally, Tuesday is better because it gives us one more day to check that things are doubling appropriately.  Plus, Taylor will be at school and I can go to the lab without bringing her in there (what a scary place to bring a toddler).  But, I don't know if I can resist going on Monday...... I'm already resisting to go on Saturday even though my local lab IS open. 

Please continue to pray and think happy thoughts for the little bean(s).  That they stay put and continue to grow accordingly.  That my Beta #2 gives a number that shows a healthy pregnancy.  That I don't start bleeding between now and our first ultrasound.