37 weeks, and the countdown begins!

Holy moly! How did I get to be 37 weeks so quickly!!!!! Time is going by WAY.TOO.FAST!!! We had our ultrasound appointment last week to confirm baby's position, and he is indeed breech.  Frank breech to be exact.  So, a repeat c-section has been scheduled for May 7th @12:30pm!!!! So, baby Wyatt will be here in 12 days.... OR LESS!!!! Holy Shit! I'm going to be having a baby in 12 days or less!  That's just crazy to me!  I'm beyond grateful and excited!  I can finally say that this seems real! Yes, and 37.3 weeks, I finally believe this is indeed happening. I am getting more and more excited and anxious everyday. 

My desire to "nest" has been in full effect!  I've been cleaning my house regularly, keeping up on every one's laundry, and I'm 3/4 of the way finished with a 20 day spring cleaning challenge.  I'm having a hard time balancing between full on nesting mode to relax, you're overdoing it mode. 

 



Coming to the conclusion that I will be having a repeat C-section, and having a set date has done wonders for my worries and fears.  Yes, I'm fully aware that things could very well happen before our scheduled date of 39weeks2days... but I feel good about having a plan.  And, a back up plan IF we don't make it to May 7th.  My mom is going to be with Taylor for the first two days, and then my MIL will be with her the second night, and the third day.  My dad will be in the waiting room while I have surgery...... My mom was really torn between being at the hospital while I was having surgery vs. being with Taylor.  Not that she cares about being there first to see Wyatt, but because I'm her daughter, and I'm having surgery.  She decided having my dad there would suffice.  And, to be honest, I want my dad there.  I need my dad there.  My dad is my calming force when I'm upset and nervous.  He has a way of putting my nerves in check, and I need that.  Both for the birth and for my nerves of leaving Taylor.  Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better plan for Taylor.... I'm beyond thankful to have the parents and in-laws that I do.  I know many do not have this kind of support. 

It's kind of weird that I'm so nervous and worried about leaving Taylor.  After all, she goes to stay a night or two with my parents or Jake's quite regularly. And, I'm never nervous or worried about it.  This is just different.  It's different because her whole little world is going to change while I'm away.  It has just been the 3 of us for 4 years and 2 months.  And, while I know our family is not complete until Wyatt is home with us.  And, I know Taylor is going to be an awesome big sister... I just want to do my best as her mommy to make this as seamless as it can be for her. 

Today, I'm not too worried about C-section itself. I'm sure this will change as the big day approaches.   Yes, I wish I didn't have to have a third major abdominal surgery, but there's no reason to dwell.  It is what it is.  I'm doing my best to stay active, without overdoing it.  I'm trying to find the sweet spot between keeping my body in shape and avoiding possibly inducing labor naturally..... not that I fully believe this is in fact possible, but I don't want to take the chance.  As of now, I'm down from 4 days at the gym to 3.  My "workouts" are FAR from what they were, even a month ago.  Basically, I've been using the elliptical with light resistance for 25 minutes. Then, doing light weights for a full body workout (minus abs).  I've eliminated squats, and anything using my lower abdomen/pelvic area.  Next week, I still plan to go 3 days, but I'm switching from the elliptical to a 20-30 minute walk, and only upper body weights.  Then, after those 3 days, I'm DONE with intentional workouts until after my body is fully healed from the C-section! I'll still be going on mini walks daily with the family and the dogs.  But, that doesn't take much out of me. 

As far as my other repeat C-section "prep" goes, I'm trying to drink as much water as I can handle.  And, I'm trying to eat plenty of fibrous foods.  I'm taking iron supplements daily, so I'm doing my best to use fiber and water to cancel out the side effects of iron (aka constipation!!!). 

How far along?  37 weeks 3 days
Total weight gain?   28lbs.  Yep, that jump in weight was here to stay. J
Maternity clothes?  Absolutely!  My current fav’s are maxi skirts and fitted shirts from Liz Lange Maternity(Target)
Stretch marks?  Not yet. 
Sleep:  It’s okay.  Not horrible.  Not fantastic.  But, I’ll take it!
Best moment this week:  Scheduling my repeat c-section.  Even though I was hoping to be in the small percentage of Unicornuate Uterus women to have a head down baby, I’m totally okay with another c-section.  And, the type-A, planner in me was stoked to have s set date!  
Miss anything?  Being able to paint my own toes
Movement:   Yes.  Some of his kicks are becoming downright painful.  But, I still LOVE the movement… and the hiccups!
Food cravings:  Not any cravings really. But, my current favorites are: Trader Joe’s multigrain O’s, Prize Slice Organic apple slices, strawberry and lemon infused water, and Cadbury mini eggs (I’m sure it’s a good thing that Easter is over, no more eggs for me!)
Anything make you queasy or sick?  Not at the moment
Gender:  Boy!!!
Labor Signs:  Still having minor BH contractions, and lots of pressure
Symptoms:  linea nigra, swelling, sore lower back, and minor rib pain (this has subsided A LOT, yay!)
Belly button in or out?  Out, I guess.  My hernia is WAY out there!
Wedding rings on or off?  They are all off, most days.  I’ve been replacing with a different ring when out and about though.
Looking forward to:  Next Thursday is my very last OB appt before this baby comes! Finally, it’s starting to feel very, VERY real!

The end is near

After battling infertility to get where we are today, it's really hard for me to complain about general pregnancy complaints.  It's difficult to express my worries.  My fears.  My concerns. I feel like I should be unicorns and rainbows and shit ALL.THE.TIME.  Because, I beat infertility.  Sadly, I still have many friends in the blogosphere and in real life that are still fighting.  Still waiting for their rainbow baby.  And, while I do my very best to not complain around them, and be as sensitive as I can, I also need to vent.  I need to express my emotions.  And so, here it is.

I'm 36.2 weeks today, and this pregnancy is starting to take it's toll on me.  I'm tired, sore, swollen, moody, forgetful, and anxious. I have pregnancy brain.  This baby is growing!  His head is constantly pushing up on my rib cage, and his little kicks, while still welcomed and loved, and starting to be quite uncomfortable.  Especially when he decides to karate kick my bladder.  That's a fun one.  Aside from lounge clothes, maxi dresses and skirts, I don't feel comfortable or cute in many of my maternity clothes anymore.  I'm sure that has a lot to do with the heat here in Southern California, as it's been high 80's and low 90's lately. 

With all the whining out of the way, I still can't say that I'm ready for this pregnancy to be over.  You see, I've been trying to get pregnant for a long time.  I succeeded, and I'm beyond grateful for that.  But..... I don't feel quite prepared to actually have the second baby.  And, in just 3-4 short weeks he will be here.  Even though the nursery is 98% complete,  we have everything we need for the first 3-6 months and then some, and I'm no longer going to be a first time mom, I don't feel ready.  It feels so hypocritical to feel that way. It's been just over 4 years since we brought home a newborn, and while most of it seems like yesterday, at the same time it feels like an eternity ago.  I'm sure we will work into a routine, and everything will pan out, but I can't help to fret that our entire lives are about the change. 

Much of my worries and anxieties revolve around Taylor.  I worry about leaving her for 2+ nights to have this baby.  We've left her plenty of times, and at least a handful of times for two nights with either set of grandparents in the past.  And, she always does well.  She starts missing us by the third morning, but is always happy and well taken care of.  This is different. The difference is that this time Jake and I will be away from her while snuggling, bonding, and caring for another child.  In an irrational sort of way, it feels like we are cheating on her, or leaving her out.  Obviously, parents do this all the time, and we are extremely lucky to have my mom and Jake's mom to spend time with her while we are away.  I remember when I first had Taylor, my mom said "I bet you feel like you could never love any other child as much as her, huh?" And, already at that time I felt that way.  I still feel that way, and that's a scary thought.  I've been told this is a normal feeling, and that as soon as I hold that little second miracle of mine that will all change.  And.... even if it doesn't change immediately, it will over the course of a couple weeks.  Please, someone, tell me this is normal?!?! That's I'm not completely losing it!?!?!

How far along?  36.2 weeks
Total weight gain?   25-28lbs!!!  I know I'm at least up 25lbs.  When I weighed in this morning, I was actually up 28lbs, but I think it was off. That would mean 3.5-4lbs in one week!  While totally doable, it doesn't seem accurate.... or at least that's what I'm telling myself haha. 

Maternity Clothes? Yes! Most of my jeans are getting a tad bit to snug for my liking.  But, I live in maternity clothes.  And PJ's.  Pajamas are my jam.
Stretch marks?  Not yet. 
Sleep: I'm happy to say that my sleep has vastly improved.  As our parties, celebrations, and over all busy-ness has slowed, my sleep has improved.  I'm not longer taking Unisom nightly.  It's more of a once a week thing.  yay!
Best moment this week:  putting away all the gifts and things that we've been given or have bought in baby's room!  It's so much fun to organize his room.
Miss anything?   I would say if anything, I miss wearing whatever shoes I choose.  Now, I wear based on which ones my feet fit in and will not swell up in. 
Movement:   Constantly.  I still love his kicks, punches, and such.  But they are becoming quite uncomfortable!
Food cravings:  FOOD!!!! I'm constantly hungry.  But, I cannot eat big meals.  Instead I graze ALL.DAY.LONG.
Anything make you queasy or sick?  Not really. 
Gender:  Boy!!!
Labor Signs:  I've been having more uncomfortable and sometimes painful BH contractions.  But, nothing that I'm concerned about at this point.
Symptoms:  Linea Nigra, swollen feet, rib pain, BH contractions
Belly button in or out?  Out
Wedding rings on or off?  Pretty much off.  For certain events, I wear my engagement ring by itself. But, usually leave them off or wear a different ring in lieu of my wedding bands. 
Looking forward to:  Our ultrasound appointment tomorrow to determine position.  I'm excited to get one last glimpse of him before he makes his debut... and to possibly finalize plans in regards to VBAC vs RCS .  I'm also really excited to hit the "early term" mark on Monday @37 weeks! 

 

Lastly, I leave you with a few of the photos taken at our family maternity shoot.  We decided to focus on us, as a family of three, instead of just Jake and I.  It just seemed fitting for our family dynamic.  Especially since Taylor wants this just as much, and is just as ecstatic about it all as we are <3

Goodness, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this little girl!  It just doesn't get any better than this!

 

She turns 4

On March 18th, we celebrated Taylor's 4th birthday.  Well, actually the celebrations began with our trip to Disneyland, where we had a special celebratory lunch at Ariel's Grotto. 

On her actual birthday, we celebrated (twice).  First, Taylor and I made cookies for her class.  As a former teacher, I cringe at the idea of bringing anything messy and time consuming, so we settled on cookies. As a mom, I was really excited to bring cookies and Capri Sun (big deal to Tay) to celebrate my little girl's big day. 

This is the outfit she wore to school.  Dress was handmade by my talented mom ;)

After school, she was surprised with her first very own delivery of flowers from Daddy. She thought she was pretty cool :)

 

 

 

That evening, we had a mini birthday party with our Taco Tuesday crew that we eat with every Tuesday.  It was our night to host, so we decided to just add in some cupcakes.  I think the kids approved.  

 

 

 

Celebrating her birthday this year was so much fun.  Taylor was so excited to turn "tour".  She was so excited to pick out what to wear for each of her celebrations.  She thoroughly enjoyed helping us decorate, cook, bake, etc. 

 

 

 

 

Her 4th birthday wasn't complete without a FROZEN birthday party for her and a few of her closest friends.  If you haven't heard, Frozen is a big deal for girls her age.  Because of that, it's extremely hard to get your hands on any Frozen party loot.  So, this mama spent a lot of time making a few things up on my own.  Her party was pretty simple, and small.  Well, small for the amount of kids.  There were quite a few adults there, since we live by both sets of grandparents.  Plus, we had her aunt and two uncles in town. 

 

Frozen necklace party favors for the girls

My dad made her this dress up closet.  It's adorable and perfect for a little girl who can't get enough of dress up time. 

 

 

 

As you can see her birthday celebrations were a little overboard.  But, Jake and I decided to focus on experiences instead of material gifts when it comes to birthdays.  So between Disneyland, cookies at school, cupcakes at Taco Tuesday, and a small frozen birthday party, I would say she had some great 4th birthday experiences... and plenty of SUGAR!!!!

 

 

Age 3 is crazy.  There's really not a better way to put it.  I look forward to everything that is coming along for us as a family, and for Taylor as a 4 year old.  I love being Taylor's mommy.  I love sharing these moments with her.  She is simply the best. 

 



My daughter is the joy of my life.  She is by far the best thing I have ever done.  Watching her blossom into such a beautiful, talented, loving, spirited little kid (no longer a baby at all) is both exciting and sad.  We have so much fun together.  She truly is my little sidekick, and I couldn't be more blessed.  I'm only sad because time goes by so fast.  It seems like literally yesterday I was planning her 3rd birthday, and 2nd, and 1st.  I only have one full year left with her in my nest full time before she becomes a big bad kindergartner. 

 

 

Taylor currently loves all things princess.  She loves Disney Jr.  She hates the dentist, and shots at the doctor.  She can ride a bike without training wheels very well.  She is learning to ride a two wheel scooter, and is improving quickly.  She is extremely girly, and wants to be wearing a dress or skirt at all times.  She still sleeps with her "Dolly".  She loves to be read to, and will sit and listen for well over 30 minutes.  She knows how to push button, and she well test everyone to see just how much she can get away with.  But, she's a people pleaser (just like her mommy and daddy), so once she knows her boundaries, she's pretty good at following them.  She asks "WHY???" a trillion times a day.  She loves to sing, dance, color, and play outside.  Her current favorite foods are Mac N Cheese, popcorn, blueberries, red grapes, milk, ghram crackers, hummus, Salmon, peas, edemame, and frozen yogurt.  

34 weeks!!!!

This pregnancy is coming to and end.  It's very bittersweet.  In 5-6 weeks our sweet little miracle will be making his appearance.  I'm extremely anxious and excited to meet him.  To hold him.  To share him with Jake and Taylor.  But, I'm sad that the time is just flying by! I find it extremely hard to complain about something that I worked my ass off to obtain.  It's hard to complain about rib pain, lack of sleep, and other pregnancy symptoms that are getting the best of me when there is a miracle growing inside me.  I'm so extremely happy and excited that I'm 34 weeks pregnancy and 5-6 weeks away from meeting my baby boy.  At the same time, I'm exhausted, sore, and moody!  But, in the end, I wouldn't change this for the world.  I don't want it to hurry up and be over.  As sucky as some pregnancy moments are, I'm still loving a good portion of it.  I love my baby bump.  I love the confidence I have in my body when I'm pregnant.   I love feeling him move. 

Last Saturday was our Baby-Q hosted by my wonderful grandma.  It was small, casual, and not a true baby shower.  It was perfect.  We also kind of celebrated my uncle's birthday at the same time, so that was fun.  I had to very large showers with Taylor.  AND a work shower that some of my wonderful teacher friends hosted.  I loved all three showers, and I received so many wonderful gifts.  But, I just didn't want big, traditional showers this time.  So, the family Baby-Q was perfect. 



How far along? 34 weeks
Total weight gain?   23 lbs.  I'm the same weight I was 2 weeks ago.  This is mainly due to having a stomach bug last week.  I'm guessing I lost 2lbs from that.   I'm back to my large appetite, and I'm sure I'll start seeing weight gain again very soon. 
Maternity clothes?  Most definitely.  They are a must in the 3rd trimester.  I'm loving the warm weather, as I can live in maxi skirts and dresses. 
Stretch marks?  Not yet. 
Sleep:  Sleep has been quite an issue.  I've been struggling to fall asleep. I've been struggling to go back to sleep after I wake 1-3 times to pee.  No sleep = Mo Problems for this girl.  Sadly, I'm taking a regular Unisom almost every night at this point.  I'm hoping to ease up on that soon.... once I get caught up. 
Best moment this week:  Celebrating this pregnancy and baby Wyatt at our family Baby-Q this past Saturday.  It was a small, casual gathering... and it really couldn't have been any better.  :)
Miss anything?  Sleep!
Movement:  Movement is still there.  But, it's starting to slow down.  I remember this happening with Taylor as the amount of room for baby to bounce around lessened.  At times, it worries me and makes me sad that there isn't a constant movement.  But, I know it's all normal. 
Food cravings:  I'm just returning to my regular appetite.  I was living on crackers, applesauce, lemon-lime Gatorade, and bananas for a few days.  I'd say that my sweet tooth has calmed a little bit.  But, I still love me some sweets! Current Favorites: bacon, fruit, apple crisps, and Boom Chicka Pop Popcorn. 
Anything make you queasy or sick? The stomach flu.  The stomach flu will make any person queasy and sick! yuck!
Gender:  Boy!!!
Labor Signs:  Nope
Symptoms:  Still dealing with some rib pain, but it seems to be simmering down.  I have to pee.... A LOT!  And, I'm finding it hard pick things up off the ground.  
Belly button in or out?  Out?? I guess??? My hernia is pretty much taken over my belly button.  I can see that my actual belly button is still pretty far in, but it doesn't appear that way under clothes. 
Wedding rings on or off?  I normally wear 3 bands: engagement, wedding, and anniversary.  Right now, I'm down to two bands. 
Looking forward to:  My small "sprinkle" with my favorite friends.  It will be a group of around 10 women.  These women have all been my friends for a long time.  They have been supportive.  They have been there when I needed them most.  They have been amazing friends.  And, I'm extremely excited to celebrate with them. 

32 week update

I can't believe I'm 32 weeks!  Time is flying by! I had a routine appointment  last week and everything was good.  At 36 weeks, I will have an ultrasound to check baby's position.  If he is still breech at that point, at C-section will be scheduled for 39 weeks or so.  BUT... before the c-section prep begins at 39 weeks, they will check once more to make sure he didn't flip.  So, most likely, I'll be having a C-section at 39-39.2 days. 

As much as I want to get my hopes up for a VBAC, the odds just really aren't in my favor.  This baby has been in the frank breech position for some time now.  Yes, there is still time for him to flip, but with the anatomy of an unicornuate uterus, it's unlikely.  And, even if he were to flip, there's still a chance that he would flip BACK to breech again when my body actually starts laboring naturally.  Taylor was always head down.  She was head down when I was checked at 39.2 days.  But, she flipped to breech once my body started laboring.  In the past, I've seen stats as high as 97-99% of babies born to mothers with a UU are breech.  For this reason, I've decided to not pursue acupuncture, chiropractic, or any other means to try to flip baby.  If my body decides to flip him, then he will flip. 

I'm okay with another C-section.  My experience was fine last time, and what's most important is to do what's safest for baby and I.  Of course I'm a little sad that I will never get to experience natural birth, but that's okay.  Healthy babies are far more important in my eyes.  I think what I'm having the hardest time with is being left in limbo of not really knowing what will happen.  But, MOST pregnancies are like that, right?  You plan on having a natural birth, but you could end up needing a C-section for various reasons at the last minute.  Mainly, I want more of a plan so I can plan for Taylor.  I want to give her plenty of time to learn how long mommy and daddy will be at the hospital.  I want to be able to plan who is going to stay with her, and when.  Basically, I want to make it so this is as smooth as possible on her.  Most likely she will be with either my mom or MIL the entire time, expect for the 4 hours she might be at school.  And, that's the two best people for her to be with.  Jake will leave and come home at bedtime if need be for a couple of hours.  But, I really want him to stay with me as much as possible, especially if I have a C-section. 

I will have answers in just 4 short weeks, and then I can really start planning and preparing Taylor.  Patience is key here. 

Other than that, everything is going good! Sweet little Taylor turns 4 tomorrow, and I'm extremely emotional about it.  The pregnancy hormones are not helping, but it seems that every year she ages, I get more and more emotional.  I want to keep her young forever.  As much as I enjoy each new stage, I'm sad that my baby is growing up.  I love that little girl so much. 

The next couple of weeks are going to fly by.  Taylor's party is next Sunday.  Then, we have a family BBQ to celebrate baby's arrival, followed by a small sprinkle with my favorite friends.  During all of this we have Jake's brother and his family in town, which is always filled with play dates and such.  36 weeks will be here before I know it!

How far along? 32 weeks
Total weight gain?   23 lbs.  I was only at 19-20lbs at this time with Taylor.... But, I'm still on track to not gain more than 35, so that's good!
Maternity clothes?  Yes! With the exception of regular yoga pants, I live in maternity clothes.  I'm loving all my maternity and non maternity maxi dresses and skirts. 
Stretch marks?  Not yet. 
Sleep:  I've been restless.  I always sleep like crap before any event.  With a birthday party, and two sprinkle/showers coming up, I'm having a hard time getting a good night's sleep. 
Best moment this week:  Getting a lot finished on the baby's room. It's not complete yet, but getting there! My mom and I finished the crib skirt and bumper this weekend.  We will only be using the bumper once the baby is older, but it looks cute in there right now :)
Miss anything?  Not really. I miss being able to drink 2 cups of coffee whenever I choose, but I'll be back to that soon enough. 
Movement:  Started feeling hiccups a lot! Amazing!
Food cravings:  sweets!!!!! I can't get enough!  I'm still eating healthy most of the time, but this pregnant chick is eating what I want while I still can.  I also love apple crisps from Costco, clementines, berries, bacon, and multigrain crackers. 
Anything make you queasy or sick?  Not really.
Gender:  Boy!!!
Labor Signs:  Nope
Symptoms:  Still dealing with some rib pain, but it seems to be simmering down.  I have to pee.... A LOT!  And, I'm finding it hard pick things up off the ground.  
Belly button in or out?  Out?? I guess??? My hernia is pretty much taken over my belly button.  I can see that my actual belly button is still pretty far in, but it doesn't appear that way under clothes. 
Wedding rings on or off?  I normally wear 3 bands: engagement, wedding, and anniversary.  Right now, I'm down to two bands. 
Looking forward to:  Our family BBQ.  My grandma insisted on throwing me a shower.  I was hesitant to have a formal shower for a second baby, as we don't "need" anything. But, I still wanted to celebrate the baby.  So, we agreed on a family style baby shower.  I'm excited because we will get to see  family (men and women) that we usually only see once a year. 

30 week update

Time is flying by, and that makes me a little sad.  Of course I WANT to see and hold my sweet baby boy.  But, I'm just not ready for this pregnancy to be over, as will be my last pregnancy.  Once I hit 24 weeks, there was finally a sense of relief that this was really going to happen.  That most likely, I will be taking home a baby.  But, once 24 weeks hit, things seemed to start flying by!  I've been enjoying almost everything about this pregnancy once the second trimester hit, but I'm just not ready for it to be over.  I generally like being pregnant.  Even more so this time because I struggled to get here, and because I know it's my last time. 

I also don't want the pregnancy to end because, well, I hate change.  I'm a very routine person.  Always have been.  Sometimes I get a wild hair up my ass and I decide to change, and I usually regret it at first.  I remember when we first brought Taylor home, a lot changed.... obviously.  I had a hard time adapting to that change.  But, once we got in our new routine together, I was good.  There is going to be even more change this time.  And, I'm nervous about it.  Once the change actually happens, and I come to terms with it, I'm fine.  It's the leading up to the change that kills me. 



How far along? 30 weeks 3 days
Total weight gain?   20.5lbs.  It still seems like a lot, but I'm still right on track for my pre-pregnancy weight. 
Maternity clothes?  Yes! With the exception of regular yoga pants, I live in maternity clothes.  Some are much more comfy than others.  And, "comfy" is a flexible term that changes with each week of growth. 
Stretch marks?  Not yet. 
Sleep:  Mostly good! 
Best moment this week:  Taylor finally feeling the baby kick.  She's very impatient, and doesn't really know what she's looking for, so this took awhile. 
Miss anything?  Not really.  I kind of miss sushi though. But, I might eat it just once for our anniversary dinner. 
Movement: Yes! Lots of it!  It's the absolute best!
Food cravings:  sweets!!!!! For the entire first and half of the second trimester, I didn't care for sweets. Now, I cannot get enough.  I'm also loving edemame, clementines, multigrain crackers, and those yummy Cadbury Cream Eggs.  I've eaten far too many of those considering it's only the beginning of March :0
Anything make you queasy or sick?  Not really.
Gender:  Boy!!!
Labor Signs:  Still having BH contractions on and off.  Some days I have up to 10, and other days I don't feel any. 
Symptoms:  rib cage pain!!!! It's by far the worst symptom I've had since the first trimester!  My rib cage is expanding, and it hurts!  Nothing really makes it feel better, expect time.  I remember having this same issue with Taylor.
Belly button in or out?  Out?? I guess??? My hernia is pretty much taken over my belly button.  I can see that my actual belly button is still pretty far in, but it doesn't appear that way under clothes. 
Wedding rings on or off?  I normally wear 3 bands: engagement, wedding, and anniversary.  Right now, I'm down to two bands. 
Looking forward to:  My OB appointment next Thursday.  And finishing up baby's room.

Disneyland 2014

Last weekend we took a family vacation as a family of 3 to California Adventures and Disneyland. The trip was mainly to celebrate Taylor turning 4, but it was also the last planned trip we will have as a family of 3. As happy and anxious as I am to complete our family, I was filled with bittersweet emotions thinking about how our lives are again about to change forever... But at least it's for the good. We've gotten very used to our lives with one child. And so has our child. She is very used to having all the attention. And, while I know that all kids experience change when a sibling comes along, I just hope and pray that Taylor adjusts. This little girl is our world. And, I want nothing more than for her to feel happy, loved, and included.

The trip started out rainy and wet. Ponchos and umbrellas were a must. But, we made the most of it, and took our time enjoying Taylor's early birthday celebration at Ariel's Grotto. 

I love Ariel's Grotto. Although, it's rather expensive, the food is pretty darn good. And, the princess experience can't be beat when you have a princess obsessed little one. We did this last year and she still talks about it. 

My butternut squash soup 

Tri-tip, mashed potatoes, and roasted veggies. 

The second day was spent at Disneyland. The weather was beautiful and full of sunshine. Taylor's favorite part of the whole trip was meeting Elsa and Anna from Frozen..... TWICE! 

I was a little nervous attempting Disneyland at 30 weeks pregnant, but overall it was totally worth it.  My body held up pretty well, and seeing the excitement on my little princess's face with each new attraction was well worth it. 

I did have a lot of flashback memories of our trip last year that were difficult to process.  Immediately before this trip last year, I had to have an unexpected D&C to get rid of a pregnancy that I thought was already gone.  This time last year was a very dark, depressing, and physically painful time for my family and I.  It's hard to sit here and not sob uncontrollably  about the hurt and bitterness I still feel towards that time of our lives.  I was in so much pain both physically and emotionally at Disneyland last year, that it felt overwhelmingly amazing to be there this year.  30 weeks pregnant.  With my best friend, my favorite little girl in the whole wide world, and a nearly 3lb miracle kicking inside of me.  There were certain places and events throughout our trip that triggered ill feelings from last year.  We went past the bench that I broke down sobbing on because I just couldn't come to terms with what was going on at that time, and I instantly got a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.  One, because it's hard to let go of the hurt, even though I try.  Two, because I was so happy to walk past that bench now on the other side of infertility.  Oh the difference a year makes.