So, now what?

Where do we go from here?  Do we keep on trucking and prepare for FET #1 and Possible FET #1 (aka frozen embryo transfer).  After all, we do have 3 blastocysts frozen and waiting.  One grade A+ in a tube by itself and a A- & B+ in a tube together.  So, hopefully, all blasts survive the thaw and we get two (if need be) chances at this frozen embryo transfer thing.  Dr. B said that some people like to just keep going and not take much of a break.  When he first told me that, I was in a haze, and I couldn't even fathom moving on after this miscarriage.  But now, just two LONG days later, I'm contemplating when to start the FET process.  I know for sure that I want a one cycle break.  I want to detox my body, do some soul searching, and get back in the gym for awhile.  But, maybe we will be ready again in March or April?  Maybe?  I think I will be ready before the hubby.  Getting him on board with IVF in the first place was difficult.  Getting him to try again is going to be difficult.  And, I wont pursue it without his 100% approval.  We are a team.  We both have to want this.  He is my best friend and is def my better half.  I will not make a decision that will put a strain on our marriage.  EVER. 

You might be reading this thinking "Gosh, she seems so positive and upbeat about this"... "How is she ready to move on already".... "How can she even be thinking about FET already".  And the answer is I don't really know.  I'm a hot mess.  But, I'm also amazed at my strength right now.  I think it's easier for me to keep focusing on what we have left (3 frosties) and keep on trucking until it's all gone.  Then, if nothing, we're done.  There's nothing left waiting for us.  There are no more IVF attempts.  At that point it's all left to "if it happens, it happens". I thought of holding out for months to do a FET sounds like torture to me.  Why wait it out?  Why not just give my body enough time to heal and adjust and then try again? 

I don't know what we will do yet.  I haven't even brought up the issue to Jake.  He might faint if I bring it up yet.  I will probably wait until my beta's drop below 5 to start discussing with Jake and the RE.  In the small amount of soul searching I've done, I know I'm not ready to give up yet.  I know I can't just let those frosties go.  I want to use up all our tries before giving up.  I'm a fighter.  I'm strong.  I like to move on.