It's been 10 days since I got my BFP and my first positive beta #. It's still surreal. I still feel like I'm in a dream. While I'm overjoyed, to say the least, I'm still in this weird haze. It's different finding out I'm pregnant this time than it was with our little miracle daughter. With her, I had no worries. I was pregnant and that was it. I knew that a miscarriage was always a possibility, but I didn't let it bring me down. I went wake boarding (I was extremely careful and didn't do any tricks) the morning before we broke the news to our parents. I didn't second guess every activity, every food, every move. I just let the pregnancy be.
In the last 10 days, I've thrown out my chapstick, face moisturizer, and over thought just about every move I make. After trying for so long and putting so much into getting pregnant, it's hard not to worry. I'm so nervous that this baby will be taken from us. I'm trying to be happy, and I SINCERELY AM, but at the same time, I'm scared. What if we get to our ultrasound on Sunday and there is nothing there? That is a possibility. What if? God, I hope not, but I can't help but worry. We've told quite a few people that we are pregnant. We've limited it to people that we've been open about the whole IVF process, since we would've told them whether it worked or not. We will not be telling anybody else until after we hear the heartbeat..... at the earliest. But, I still have this worry that maybe we told too many? What if I have to tell them all that it wasn't viable? God, I hope not. Hey, at least I will have a huge circle of support. That's why we included them in our IVF process anyways, right?
I'm trying extremely hard to stay positive. I think it will me much easier once I hear the heartbeat, and even more so once we are out of the first trimester. 7 more weeks.
Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Jake, Taylor, and I are overjoyed and so thankful. But, Jake and I are still very cautious and nervous. Please pray for us to stay positive and strong. To give us the ability to bask in the joy of this as we so dearly want to be able to.
I know it's got to be hard right now to trust and have faith that all will be ok, but the fact is that the odds are in your court that everything is just fine! I'll be praying for patience and peace of mind for you as you continue on in your first trimester. Try to sit back and enjoy the moment! Maybe a lighthearted book will help? Have you read Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy?
ReplyDeletePraying for you Darcy! I know it's hard, but try to keep positive.
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Sending positive vibes your way. And I agree with Emily you should try distracting yourself by reading a lighthearted book.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, congratulations!
ReplyDeleteI hope you can feel more confident about this little bean, and have your mind put at ease at your upcoming U/S. The joy will come :)