Weddings and the emotions they bring

This past weekend we attended a family wedding.  One of Jake's cousins got married on the beautiful Central coast of California.  We, along with Jake's mom and brother's family, made a 5 night camping vacation out of the wedding.  Overall, it was a complete blast, and I'm so glad we went.  Taylor got to spend some great quality time with her cousins.  Tay and her cousin, C, are 6 months apart.  It was sooo much fun to watch them play together.

Taylor and C dancing at the wedding <3

 

Weddings always have this way of bringing out the best and worst of my emotions.  I love seeing Jake all dressed up and handsome.  I love being reminded of what love is, and witnessing all the LOVE in the air. I love catching up with old friends, family, and meeting new people.  I love the food and dancing, and the champagne.  Lately, I always seem to get very emotional, and really count my blessings at weddings, and this is good thing.  I have a fabulous husband who loves me unconditionally, even when I am bat shit crazy.  I have a perfect, healthy, beautiful little girl who loves me more than anything in the world.  I have great family and wonderful friends who invite us to their weddings because they love us, and want us to be a part of their most special day.  It's really important for me to count what blessings I do have.  Infertility loves to rob me of my thankfulness from time to time, and it's moments like these  that I'm able to steal that thankfulness back. 

 

These two humans make my heart full.  They are my world, and I love them more than they will ever know.

 

Unfortunately, weddings also tend to bring out the worst in me.  I had a great time at this wedding, but it all came to a screeching halt when I turned on the water works in the cab on the ride home.  I was holding my 14month old nephew and I just started sobbing (the one I said sadly reminded me of what I could have if I got preggers right away with #2).  It went on later in the trailer as I cried to Jake for over an hour about how sick I was of this journey....... It was pretty ridiculous, and I'm sure the few glasses of champagne aided in my emotions.  But, I needed to let it out.  You see, people at weddings are also always assuming what's next for others.  So, I was asked numerous times where baby #2 was.  I was told by someone unaware of our journey that I better up and have #2 before Taylor got too old to care about a sibling.  I felt uncomfortable in far too many conversations.  This is what led up to the water works.  I hate that infertility brings be down at some of the best times.  But, such is life I guess. Throwing in the towel on ATTC is not at easy as it seems.  I can't just say "I'm done" and have all the emotions, and downfalls just slip away.  Oh Lord, how I wish it was that easy.  I'm definitely in some stage of the mourning process still.... and wow, what a fantastic stage it is.  The only thing I can say is that "it is just a phase.... it will end... there will be and end".

 

Luckily, a couple nights later, I got to spend some great time with one of my longest and very best friends at the Mid State Fair in Paso Robles, CA.  We had dinner, walked around, and watched most of a Phillip Phillps and John Mayer concert.  Seeing her and venting about my ups and downs of the weekend made me a much happier lady.  It's always nice to catch up with friends who I don't get to see as often as I would like to. 

                                      Yes, I'm drinking Bud Light..... don't judge lol