The fourth trimester

If you notice I haven't been around much, that's because the 4th trimester kicked my ass! Never heard of the 4th trimester? Well, it's a real thing! And, surving the 4th trimester with a colicky baby who has reflux, and a type of lactose intolerance  is just exhausting.... Especially when big sister is home full time and full of energy, excitement, and sass. With all that said, I fucking love my life. I get to stay home with my two babies, and there is literally no place I would rather be. Well, maybe Hawaii. Hawaii would be nice. But, only for a few days, then I'd be ready to be back home with my babies, my husband, my friends.... My crew.

The first 6-12 weeks with a newborn is a whirlwind of emotions. Love. Exhaustion. Euphoria. Pain. Happiness. Fear. There are many highs and lows. Wyatt was diagnosed with reflux at 4 weeks old. We started Zantac, and it did nothing. We discontinued it since he is a "happy spitter". This basically means his reflux is more of a laundry problem than a medical problem. It doesn't bring him any pain, and he's not losing weight. He just spits up a lot. All day, everyday. His pediatrician and I suspected that he had more than just reflux. Some tests were ran and came back that he was "highly lactose intoerant". I plan to dedicate an entire post to this in the very near future because it's a common condition that is generally misunderstood by both pediatricians and parents. But basically, he suffers from "lactose overload" because he lacks enough lactase enzymes to breakdown the lactose that naturally occurs in breastmilk and/or traditional formula.  This is an intolerance that fades over time. But, once he is overloaded, he becomes miserable in so many ways. My sweet baby boy was quite the fuss bucket to say the least from about week 4 until 10 weeks old. Around 10 weeks of age, Wyatt slowly began to adapt to world outside the womb. His lactose overload is getting easier and easier to manage. His reflux is still in full force, which  means he gets to wear multiple adorable outfits a day! He is growing into a smiley, very active, very talkative, chunky, and extremely loved little guy. He is currently 14 weeks old and a little over 13lbs! Time flies! 

The 4th trimester affects the mother as well. I suffered from postpatrum depression, again. I had it with Taylor. I knew the signs. I knew that the way I felt wasn't normal. I knew I needed to get back on Zoloft for awhile. It helped tremendously.  I have the typical 4th trimester body. Ever heard of the Fourth Trimester Bodies Project? If not, check it out! It's very uplifting for new mamas. Basically, not everyone pops out a baby and looks like a model 8 days later!!

The key, for me, has been to figure out how to dress my postpatrum body. There are so many factors to consider: Easy access for breastfeeding. Colors/prints that hide spit up. Flowy clothing that a) hides all my insecurities and b) keeps you from sweating up a storm. Hormones do a trick on my sweat glands! And, finding things that flatter my new figure instead of making me look like I belong on the people of WalMart gallery. I'm now off the Zoloft and am feeling great! And, I've got a pretty big variety of clothes that I feel good in. Clothes that make me feel great about my new body and all the blessings it has given me. 

The 4th trimester was rough on the whole family. Even Taylor. Fortunately, Taylor didn't lash out against "baby brother". She didn't regress. She wasn't  disobedient. Instead, she became extremely sensitive, and overly attached to Jake and I. This was all very new behavior. We had never experienced this before. Prior to Wyatt's birth, I wouldn't describe Taylor as sensitive. And, she would easily go with either grandma, and any close family friends to do child friendly activities without Jake or I. That all changed the minute we left for the hospital and lasted about 12 weeks. And, I can't say I disliked it. It was kind of special to have her feel so attached to us. But, then it got old real quick :) Luckily, Taylor too had adapted to this new world. She's pretty much back to her old self, and just as I suspected, she is a fabulous big sister. Wyatt is very blessed to have her as his big sissy. 

All in all, having a newborn is great and all, but I'm glad that part of my life is over for good. Newborns are hard! So hard! Some moms handle it better than others. I'm not one of them. Some newborns are easy. They sleep all day and sleep through the night from week one. Wyatt was not one of these. And, that's okay. We are all adjusting. Everyday has it's ups and downs, but there are now more ups than downs. We are all getting more sleep, which is key! I look forward to experiencing all his firsts: first laugh, first roll, first bite of food, and so on. 

To all my fellow bloggers...... I'm still reading! I might not comment enough or ever, and for that I apologize. I promise to get on that in the near future. But, I'm still reading, rooting, praying, sending positive vibes, laughing, crying, and smiling. There are so many positive things happening for so many of you, and that makes me very happy! 

I am content

Do you have any clue how good it feels to write those 3 words..... I am content!  On March 4, 2013 I wrote a post about how I was trying to become content with my life.  Being content isn't something that comes easy for me.  For most people really.  I'm always planning.  Always wanting something more.  Always working to improve.  And, while it isn't necessarily bad to do those things, there is a great feeling of relief and comfort that comes from being content. 

I always knew I wanted two children.  I've never imagined more.  Never less.  So, obviously secondary infertility really through me through the ringer.  I tried my hardest to give up my dream of having another child once we knew it might not ever happen.  And although I could let it go for a day or two.  I just couldn't give up.  In fact, if Wyatt wasn't here now, I don't know that I would have given up.  I was already planning for surrogacy in the back of my mind.  Luckily, that wasn't needed, and we were blessed with little Wyatt who completes our family of four.  I am content with our family. 

Since first moving to the armpit of California, aka Bakersfield, I've always wanted to move.  Then, once I married Jake, we both planned to move. First to the Lake Tahoe area.  Then, once we decided that was too far, we thought about the Oakhurst area.  Then, the Central Coast.  Anywhere but here! Well guess what, it feels so good to say that I'm actually very content living here.  I love my house.  I love that I'm less than an hour away from my parents and in-laws.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE my little neighborhood and all the friends that we have here.  I adore my circle of friends, and I can't imagine leaving them.  Yes, the central coast is paradise.  But, I can vacation there.  I can be there in 3 hours or less.  I have learned that being near my family and my support system is more important to me. This might change down the road, but for now I am content with where we live. 

I've always struggled with my body image.  Why, I don't really know.  Probably because I have a pudgy stomach no matter how fit or skinny I am, and I'm very self conscious about it (Thanks, Dad).  Ironically, I struggled with my body image the most when I was the skinniest.  I was always so worried about what I was eating down to the last calorie.  I was so worried that if I didn't get at least an hour workout in that I might gain weight or lose my muscle tone.  But most of the negativity stemmed from infertility.  I began to doubt my body.  Hate my body.  Resent my body.  It was hard to look in the mirror.  I was mad at my body.  Once I hit the second trimester with Wyatt, that all started to change.  I loved my bump.  I loved my growing body.  I loved showing off my baby bump that I worked so hard to achieve.   Since having Wyatt, I've gone through some ups and downs about the way I look postpartum.  I'm 10lbs heavier than pre-pregnancy.  I'm flabby, giggly, and pale.  My former self would be at the gym twice a day, and eating raw veggies and chicken breast daily. After my initial pity party that breastfeeding wasn't going to be instant liposuction for me, I find myself being pretty content with my heavier, softer, bigger self.  Do I want to stay this was forever? NO! And, I know that I wont.  I love to exercise, and we eat healthy as it is.  But, I'm not in a hurry.  For now, I am content with this postpartum body that gave me two miracle children that I love more than I can put into words. 

Meet Wyatt Luke.... the absolute perfect addition to our family

            My last baby bump picture 

Wyatt Luke was born on Thursday, May 8, 2014 at 1:08p.m.  He weighed in at 6lb4oz and was 19.25in long.  Oddly enough, that is the EXACT same length and weight as his big sissy, Taylor! How crazy is that?!? PLUS, they were born at exactly the same gestational date of 39.3 weeks, and almost the same time of day.  Taylor was born at 1:22, and Wyatt at 1:08.  This is just crazy to me.... crazy! Our OB told us that we need to buy a lotto ticket with these numbers. 

If you remember, I was supposed to have my C-section and meet our sweet baby boy on May 7th.  Well, that didn't happen.  On May 7th, we got ready, sent Taylor off to dance class and headed to the hospital to have our baby.  Long story short, we were rescheduled for the next day after being told that both the L&D and NICU (if needed) were at max capacity.  They really didn't want to take on a planned C-section with a perfectly healthy and happy baby inside.  After the initial shock and disappointment, we agreed.  Taylor had a rough time seeing us return home empty handed. She was so excited and prepared, and this really threw her off. A trip to the park helped her deal.

That night felt like déjà vu as we again prepared for our big day. Thursday morning I dropped Taylor off at school where she would later be picked up by my mom. I could already tell that the change in plans was affecting her. But, she was still excited and happy. Jake and I headed off to the hospital hoping to stay and meet our little guy. I gave my baby belly rubs for what I hoped was the last time. I grew anxious and nervous. Nervous for the major surgery I was about to face. Nervous for how Taylor was going to be over the next few days, and furthermore how she would adjust to losing only child status.  Anxious that we would be sent home again. Anxious to find out if the cramping I had been experiencing all morning were nerves or contractions. 

Luckily I was admitted at 10:30am and got prepped very quickly. I was indeed having contractions 7 minutes apart. They grew increasingly more painful, but I could still talk through them. But, my nurse and OB both said I probably would've been admitted for natural labor by midnight at the latest. So, I guess Wyatt was meant to be born on May 8th!  During this time, my OB came in and did a quick ultrasound to confirm that baby was still breech... if he had turned head down, we were going to cancel the C-section and hope for a VBAC.  The ultrasound quickly revealed that he was indeed still breech.  So, the C-section was on!

prepping to meet our little guy

 

The next couple of hours were quite nerve wracking and exciting. We were going to meet our son very shortly. My abdomen was about to be ripped open very shortly as well. After a kiss and "be strong" hug from my dad, I entered the OR room around 12:25.  By this point my nerves had taken over my body and I was shaking uncontrollably....until I got the spinal, that is.  After the spinal, I felt nothing.  Which is nice and scary all at the same time.  Jake entered, and I lost it.  I was scared that something would go wrong, and that either the baby or I would have complications.  Jake talked me off my cliff, and then we waited.  C-sections are a MAJOR surgery.  I felt lots of tugging, and insanely uncomfortable sensations. 

But, it was all worth it, because minutes later we heard the best sound ever.... Wyatt's first cry.  In tears again, I kept asking if he was healthy.  If he looked okay.  What the nurses were doing.  If they looked relaxed or worried.  Jake reassured me everything was fine.  He also let me know that he was "white" and "didn't look like Dr. B" (Jake was a tad worried about IVF mix-ups, or wrong doings lol). 

 

Moments later, sweet baby Wyatt was brought over to me for the first time ever.  I was immediately in love with that little guy.  My heart immediately made room for another child.  There was NOT an immediate love and bonding with Taylor. It took the pain meds wearing off last time, and me re-cooping a little bit to really love and bond with her.  This was different.   I think some of this was also due to changes in the OR.  With Taylor, I got to meet her for just a few moments, and then her and Jake left while I was being stitched up.  I didn't seem them again for a good hour.  With Wyatt, baby was brought over to Jake and I.  Jake held him close to my face and I was able to do some sort of skin to skin the entire time I was being stitched up.  I was only away from them for about 5 minutes.   Same hospital.  Same OB.  Just 4 years later.  A lot changes in 4 years. We waited a long time to meet this little miracle, and I was just beyond grateful.  Our family is finally complete, and it feels wonderful.

Skin to skin and nursing for the first time.  I was still freezing and extremely itchy from the spinal meds

We shared a good hour of nursing which Wyatt took to very easily, and skin-to-skin with both mommy and daddy.  Then, my dad came in to meet his first grandson.  Before Wyatt, my dad had two daughters and two granddaughters. I pity him at times haha.  A few hours later, MIL/FIL, my mom and Taylor arrived. 
Taylor's reactions were priceless.  It was a moment that I will cherish forever and never forget.  She was in awe.  She was so proud, sitting there in her Big Sister dress.  Everybody made sure to pay lots of attention to her being the big sister, and I think that helped her self-esteem tremendously. 

Papa and Wyatt







 

                                                  "hi baby Wyatt, I'm your big sister." 

The next two days in the hospital were so so.  We got moved to a room the size of some walk in closets.  Taylor came to visit two more times, which was great while she was there.  But, the goodbye's were hard for both her and mama. But, we got through it.  We were discharged Saturday morning, and arrived home before Taylor and my mom returned from a trip to the zoo.  That day was very exciting for everyone, especially Taylor.  She had her mama and her daddy back.  And, her baby brother was finally here.  She has told us many times over the last few days how excited she is.  How happy she is.  How she's the big sister, and so on.  Being a do-it-myself type 4 year old, she wants to help or do EVERYTHING.  But, she's already adjusting to there being limits.  So far, everyone is adjusting okay.  It's hard.  It's tiring.  And, there's no manual.  But we are getting there. 


I can't truly put it into words how happy it makes me to be writing this post.  There were so many times that I cried or just felt such deep hurt that I might never have a second child.  Yes, maybe I would've had another natural miracle like Taylor.... someday.  But, after activity trying to get pregnant with lots of help for over two years, I was ready to give up.  I couldn't keep putting myself, my family, or even our friends through that torture anymore.  So, making it to "the other side" of secondary infertility feels very freeing, and I'm forever grateful.  Sure, like any other woman, I'll have my moments where I'm overwhelmed with two kids.  Overwhelmed with the demands of being a stay at home mom.  But, I really believe that the struggle to have this child has changed me.  I'm definitely more grateful.  I'm more compassionate.  I'm aware that children are beautiful blessings, miracles, works of God, and that they should be treated as such.

  

 

Bonding time between sister and brother.  This completely fills my heart.

 

 

 

 

 

Nursing our babies.  My sister made this cover for Tay, so she could be like mama.

 

 

 

 

 

Going home outfit

 

 

First day home

 

In 2 short days we will be a family of FOUR

Somebody pinch me!  It still seems crazy that this is finally happening.  We are just a couple of days away from completing our family, and that feels magnificent! I am extremely excited to meet our little guy!  To see who he looks like.  To see how much he weighs.  I want to hold him, count his fingers and toes, and give him kisses and snuggles.  I'm so in love already, and I'm so excited to share him with Jake, Taylor, and the rest of the world.  I cannot wait to meet our little miracle!

In the last few days, I've become a little less nervous and anxious about "baby coming out" as Taylor says.  Yes, I'm still worried about how it will all go down from WHEN and IF I will actually go into labor to how Taylor will transition over the next month or so.  It's fear or the unknown.  I've been very open on my blog and in real life about my worries and concerns, and I've been met with lots of comfort that my feelings are normal.  That there will be ups and downs, but that there are with every major life change. One of my best friends said "Fast forward a month, and you wont even remember what it's like to be a family of 3". Oh how true this is.  With every phase, I sometimes find myself thinking it's never going to end.  It's never going to change (Ex: fussy newborns, sickness, potty training, training dogs, family tiffs, spin class). But it always does.  So, I'm going to do my very best to remember "it's just a phase", and do my VERY best to enjoy all the little moments.  We've waited a long time for these new little moments. 

We've been telling Taylor for over a month that "baby brother is coming soon"..... but 4 years olds don't have the best comprehension of time.  So, we started a paper chain when there was 9 days left until my C-section.  There are now only 2 rings left! This is helped put time into perspective.  She's getting both excited and clingy.  These are both recognizable characteristics whenever she knows of an upcoming time away from mommy and daddy.  I know she is going to be in the best hands, and there are going to be a lot of fun "big sister" activities for her. I know that everything will be OKAY.  I know that I will most likely cry when I leave her.  But, I also know that she will love her baby brother, and that she will still love me when I return. 


It's been a great pregnancy.  One that I once thought would be so easy to obtain. One that I later thought would never happen.  A pregnancy that I started to mourn.  A pregnancy that was made possible by science, a lot of hard work, dedication, tons of driving, and of course the Grace of God.  Thank God for science.  It's still a little bittersweet that this pregnancy is coming to and end.  But, I'm ready.  My body is ready.  I'm mentally ready (or as ready as I can be).  I've had an amazing pregnancy,  and feel like overall I've really enjoyed and appreciated it.  Yes, there were lots of fears, and worries that it wouldn't work out.  But, even then, I did my very best to enjoy being pregnant for that day.  And, I'm proud of myself for that.


I'm still feeling pretty good about the C-section.  I'm nervous about the first couple of days at home, and how that will all go down.  But, I'll have my amazing husband, and many friends that I can ask for help if need be. Now, we just wait and see if I make it to my scheduled date and time... or if my body has plans of it's own. 

How far along?  39weeks
Total weight gain?   29-30lbs!
Maternity clothes?  Yes!  But even most maternity clothes just aren’t comfy anymore! I don’t feel comfortable in anything that is tight on my tummy.  So, flowy tops and stretchy waist shorts or maxi skirts are the best.  Oh, and flowy dresses.  Gotta love those!
Stretch marks?  Not yet!!  I might just get lucky and make it through another pregnancy with no stretch marks.  Thanks Mom!!
Sleep:  Not good.  I’m back to nightly sleeping aids.  And even then, I wake up entirely too early.  Ohwell, Mother Nature is doing her best to prepare me for life as a mother with a newborn and a very active 4 year old. 
Best moment this week:  My pedicure.  Simply amazing! I also enjoyed a very overdue haircut at a real salon. I usually have a good friend cut it at her home. She's sick and very busy with her new career path, so I went to a new place. It was nice to have that little bit of pampering . 
Miss anything?  Sleep (even though I know I’ll miss that for awhile) and bending over with ease.
Movement:   Yes!  This little man is quite active again!
Food cravings:  Nope.  Sometimes I’m extremely ravenous for whatever.  Others, nothing sounds good at all except fruit.  Fruit ALWAYS sounds good.
Anything make you queasy or sick?  Sweets haven’t been sitting so well with me, and that’s a bummer, but probably for the best J
Gender:  Boy!!!
Labor Signs:  BH contractions are back. They are more painful, but they don’t take my breath away.  I’m starting to having a lot more pressure.  My boobs are sore on and off. 
Symptoms:  Linea Nigra, lower backaches, swollen and sore feet and fingers (Vienna sausages, anybody??)
Belly button in or out? Out  
Wedding rings on or off?  Officially off.  All the time.  I really can’t handle any jewelry at this time except earrings.  Everything else bugs me. 
Looking forward to:  Having my baby in 2 days or less!

37 weeks, and the countdown begins!

Holy moly! How did I get to be 37 weeks so quickly!!!!! Time is going by WAY.TOO.FAST!!! We had our ultrasound appointment last week to confirm baby's position, and he is indeed breech.  Frank breech to be exact.  So, a repeat c-section has been scheduled for May 7th @12:30pm!!!! So, baby Wyatt will be here in 12 days.... OR LESS!!!! Holy Shit! I'm going to be having a baby in 12 days or less!  That's just crazy to me!  I'm beyond grateful and excited!  I can finally say that this seems real! Yes, and 37.3 weeks, I finally believe this is indeed happening. I am getting more and more excited and anxious everyday. 

My desire to "nest" has been in full effect!  I've been cleaning my house regularly, keeping up on every one's laundry, and I'm 3/4 of the way finished with a 20 day spring cleaning challenge.  I'm having a hard time balancing between full on nesting mode to relax, you're overdoing it mode. 

 



Coming to the conclusion that I will be having a repeat C-section, and having a set date has done wonders for my worries and fears.  Yes, I'm fully aware that things could very well happen before our scheduled date of 39weeks2days... but I feel good about having a plan.  And, a back up plan IF we don't make it to May 7th.  My mom is going to be with Taylor for the first two days, and then my MIL will be with her the second night, and the third day.  My dad will be in the waiting room while I have surgery...... My mom was really torn between being at the hospital while I was having surgery vs. being with Taylor.  Not that she cares about being there first to see Wyatt, but because I'm her daughter, and I'm having surgery.  She decided having my dad there would suffice.  And, to be honest, I want my dad there.  I need my dad there.  My dad is my calming force when I'm upset and nervous.  He has a way of putting my nerves in check, and I need that.  Both for the birth and for my nerves of leaving Taylor.  Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better plan for Taylor.... I'm beyond thankful to have the parents and in-laws that I do.  I know many do not have this kind of support. 

It's kind of weird that I'm so nervous and worried about leaving Taylor.  After all, she goes to stay a night or two with my parents or Jake's quite regularly. And, I'm never nervous or worried about it.  This is just different.  It's different because her whole little world is going to change while I'm away.  It has just been the 3 of us for 4 years and 2 months.  And, while I know our family is not complete until Wyatt is home with us.  And, I know Taylor is going to be an awesome big sister... I just want to do my best as her mommy to make this as seamless as it can be for her. 

Today, I'm not too worried about C-section itself. I'm sure this will change as the big day approaches.   Yes, I wish I didn't have to have a third major abdominal surgery, but there's no reason to dwell.  It is what it is.  I'm doing my best to stay active, without overdoing it.  I'm trying to find the sweet spot between keeping my body in shape and avoiding possibly inducing labor naturally..... not that I fully believe this is in fact possible, but I don't want to take the chance.  As of now, I'm down from 4 days at the gym to 3.  My "workouts" are FAR from what they were, even a month ago.  Basically, I've been using the elliptical with light resistance for 25 minutes. Then, doing light weights for a full body workout (minus abs).  I've eliminated squats, and anything using my lower abdomen/pelvic area.  Next week, I still plan to go 3 days, but I'm switching from the elliptical to a 20-30 minute walk, and only upper body weights.  Then, after those 3 days, I'm DONE with intentional workouts until after my body is fully healed from the C-section! I'll still be going on mini walks daily with the family and the dogs.  But, that doesn't take much out of me. 

As far as my other repeat C-section "prep" goes, I'm trying to drink as much water as I can handle.  And, I'm trying to eat plenty of fibrous foods.  I'm taking iron supplements daily, so I'm doing my best to use fiber and water to cancel out the side effects of iron (aka constipation!!!). 

How far along?  37 weeks 3 days
Total weight gain?   28lbs.  Yep, that jump in weight was here to stay. J
Maternity clothes?  Absolutely!  My current fav’s are maxi skirts and fitted shirts from Liz Lange Maternity(Target)
Stretch marks?  Not yet. 
Sleep:  It’s okay.  Not horrible.  Not fantastic.  But, I’ll take it!
Best moment this week:  Scheduling my repeat c-section.  Even though I was hoping to be in the small percentage of Unicornuate Uterus women to have a head down baby, I’m totally okay with another c-section.  And, the type-A, planner in me was stoked to have s set date!  
Miss anything?  Being able to paint my own toes
Movement:   Yes.  Some of his kicks are becoming downright painful.  But, I still LOVE the movement… and the hiccups!
Food cravings:  Not any cravings really. But, my current favorites are: Trader Joe’s multigrain O’s, Prize Slice Organic apple slices, strawberry and lemon infused water, and Cadbury mini eggs (I’m sure it’s a good thing that Easter is over, no more eggs for me!)
Anything make you queasy or sick?  Not at the moment
Gender:  Boy!!!
Labor Signs:  Still having minor BH contractions, and lots of pressure
Symptoms:  linea nigra, swelling, sore lower back, and minor rib pain (this has subsided A LOT, yay!)
Belly button in or out?  Out, I guess.  My hernia is WAY out there!
Wedding rings on or off?  They are all off, most days.  I’ve been replacing with a different ring when out and about though.
Looking forward to:  Next Thursday is my very last OB appt before this baby comes! Finally, it’s starting to feel very, VERY real!

The end is near

After battling infertility to get where we are today, it's really hard for me to complain about general pregnancy complaints.  It's difficult to express my worries.  My fears.  My concerns. I feel like I should be unicorns and rainbows and shit ALL.THE.TIME.  Because, I beat infertility.  Sadly, I still have many friends in the blogosphere and in real life that are still fighting.  Still waiting for their rainbow baby.  And, while I do my very best to not complain around them, and be as sensitive as I can, I also need to vent.  I need to express my emotions.  And so, here it is.

I'm 36.2 weeks today, and this pregnancy is starting to take it's toll on me.  I'm tired, sore, swollen, moody, forgetful, and anxious. I have pregnancy brain.  This baby is growing!  His head is constantly pushing up on my rib cage, and his little kicks, while still welcomed and loved, and starting to be quite uncomfortable.  Especially when he decides to karate kick my bladder.  That's a fun one.  Aside from lounge clothes, maxi dresses and skirts, I don't feel comfortable or cute in many of my maternity clothes anymore.  I'm sure that has a lot to do with the heat here in Southern California, as it's been high 80's and low 90's lately. 

With all the whining out of the way, I still can't say that I'm ready for this pregnancy to be over.  You see, I've been trying to get pregnant for a long time.  I succeeded, and I'm beyond grateful for that.  But..... I don't feel quite prepared to actually have the second baby.  And, in just 3-4 short weeks he will be here.  Even though the nursery is 98% complete,  we have everything we need for the first 3-6 months and then some, and I'm no longer going to be a first time mom, I don't feel ready.  It feels so hypocritical to feel that way. It's been just over 4 years since we brought home a newborn, and while most of it seems like yesterday, at the same time it feels like an eternity ago.  I'm sure we will work into a routine, and everything will pan out, but I can't help to fret that our entire lives are about the change. 

Much of my worries and anxieties revolve around Taylor.  I worry about leaving her for 2+ nights to have this baby.  We've left her plenty of times, and at least a handful of times for two nights with either set of grandparents in the past.  And, she always does well.  She starts missing us by the third morning, but is always happy and well taken care of.  This is different. The difference is that this time Jake and I will be away from her while snuggling, bonding, and caring for another child.  In an irrational sort of way, it feels like we are cheating on her, or leaving her out.  Obviously, parents do this all the time, and we are extremely lucky to have my mom and Jake's mom to spend time with her while we are away.  I remember when I first had Taylor, my mom said "I bet you feel like you could never love any other child as much as her, huh?" And, already at that time I felt that way.  I still feel that way, and that's a scary thought.  I've been told this is a normal feeling, and that as soon as I hold that little second miracle of mine that will all change.  And.... even if it doesn't change immediately, it will over the course of a couple weeks.  Please, someone, tell me this is normal?!?! That's I'm not completely losing it!?!?!

How far along?  36.2 weeks
Total weight gain?   25-28lbs!!!  I know I'm at least up 25lbs.  When I weighed in this morning, I was actually up 28lbs, but I think it was off. That would mean 3.5-4lbs in one week!  While totally doable, it doesn't seem accurate.... or at least that's what I'm telling myself haha. 

Maternity Clothes? Yes! Most of my jeans are getting a tad bit to snug for my liking.  But, I live in maternity clothes.  And PJ's.  Pajamas are my jam.
Stretch marks?  Not yet. 
Sleep: I'm happy to say that my sleep has vastly improved.  As our parties, celebrations, and over all busy-ness has slowed, my sleep has improved.  I'm not longer taking Unisom nightly.  It's more of a once a week thing.  yay!
Best moment this week:  putting away all the gifts and things that we've been given or have bought in baby's room!  It's so much fun to organize his room.
Miss anything?   I would say if anything, I miss wearing whatever shoes I choose.  Now, I wear based on which ones my feet fit in and will not swell up in. 
Movement:   Constantly.  I still love his kicks, punches, and such.  But they are becoming quite uncomfortable!
Food cravings:  FOOD!!!! I'm constantly hungry.  But, I cannot eat big meals.  Instead I graze ALL.DAY.LONG.
Anything make you queasy or sick?  Not really. 
Gender:  Boy!!!
Labor Signs:  I've been having more uncomfortable and sometimes painful BH contractions.  But, nothing that I'm concerned about at this point.
Symptoms:  Linea Nigra, swollen feet, rib pain, BH contractions
Belly button in or out?  Out
Wedding rings on or off?  Pretty much off.  For certain events, I wear my engagement ring by itself. But, usually leave them off or wear a different ring in lieu of my wedding bands. 
Looking forward to:  Our ultrasound appointment tomorrow to determine position.  I'm excited to get one last glimpse of him before he makes his debut... and to possibly finalize plans in regards to VBAC vs RCS .  I'm also really excited to hit the "early term" mark on Monday @37 weeks! 

 

Lastly, I leave you with a few of the photos taken at our family maternity shoot.  We decided to focus on us, as a family of three, instead of just Jake and I.  It just seemed fitting for our family dynamic.  Especially since Taylor wants this just as much, and is just as ecstatic about it all as we are <3

Goodness, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this little girl!  It just doesn't get any better than this!

 

She turns 4

On March 18th, we celebrated Taylor's 4th birthday.  Well, actually the celebrations began with our trip to Disneyland, where we had a special celebratory lunch at Ariel's Grotto. 

On her actual birthday, we celebrated (twice).  First, Taylor and I made cookies for her class.  As a former teacher, I cringe at the idea of bringing anything messy and time consuming, so we settled on cookies. As a mom, I was really excited to bring cookies and Capri Sun (big deal to Tay) to celebrate my little girl's big day. 

This is the outfit she wore to school.  Dress was handmade by my talented mom ;)

After school, she was surprised with her first very own delivery of flowers from Daddy. She thought she was pretty cool :)

 

 

 

That evening, we had a mini birthday party with our Taco Tuesday crew that we eat with every Tuesday.  It was our night to host, so we decided to just add in some cupcakes.  I think the kids approved.  

 

 

 

Celebrating her birthday this year was so much fun.  Taylor was so excited to turn "tour".  She was so excited to pick out what to wear for each of her celebrations.  She thoroughly enjoyed helping us decorate, cook, bake, etc. 

 

 

 

 

Her 4th birthday wasn't complete without a FROZEN birthday party for her and a few of her closest friends.  If you haven't heard, Frozen is a big deal for girls her age.  Because of that, it's extremely hard to get your hands on any Frozen party loot.  So, this mama spent a lot of time making a few things up on my own.  Her party was pretty simple, and small.  Well, small for the amount of kids.  There were quite a few adults there, since we live by both sets of grandparents.  Plus, we had her aunt and two uncles in town. 

 

Frozen necklace party favors for the girls

My dad made her this dress up closet.  It's adorable and perfect for a little girl who can't get enough of dress up time. 

 

 

 

As you can see her birthday celebrations were a little overboard.  But, Jake and I decided to focus on experiences instead of material gifts when it comes to birthdays.  So between Disneyland, cookies at school, cupcakes at Taco Tuesday, and a small frozen birthday party, I would say she had some great 4th birthday experiences... and plenty of SUGAR!!!!

 

 

Age 3 is crazy.  There's really not a better way to put it.  I look forward to everything that is coming along for us as a family, and for Taylor as a 4 year old.  I love being Taylor's mommy.  I love sharing these moments with her.  She is simply the best. 

 



My daughter is the joy of my life.  She is by far the best thing I have ever done.  Watching her blossom into such a beautiful, talented, loving, spirited little kid (no longer a baby at all) is both exciting and sad.  We have so much fun together.  She truly is my little sidekick, and I couldn't be more blessed.  I'm only sad because time goes by so fast.  It seems like literally yesterday I was planning her 3rd birthday, and 2nd, and 1st.  I only have one full year left with her in my nest full time before she becomes a big bad kindergartner. 

 

 

Taylor currently loves all things princess.  She loves Disney Jr.  She hates the dentist, and shots at the doctor.  She can ride a bike without training wheels very well.  She is learning to ride a two wheel scooter, and is improving quickly.  She is extremely girly, and wants to be wearing a dress or skirt at all times.  She still sleeps with her "Dolly".  She loves to be read to, and will sit and listen for well over 30 minutes.  She knows how to push button, and she well test everyone to see just how much she can get away with.  But, she's a people pleaser (just like her mommy and daddy), so once she knows her boundaries, she's pretty good at following them.  She asks "WHY???" a trillion times a day.  She loves to sing, dance, color, and play outside.  Her current favorite foods are Mac N Cheese, popcorn, blueberries, red grapes, milk, ghram crackers, hummus, Salmon, peas, edemame, and frozen yogurt.