Making some changes

For the last few days, I've been contemplating re-activating my Facebook account.  I miss my distant friends.  I miss seeing photos of my family's children.  I miss having that outlet.  But, I have changed my mind.  Although I think I'm in  a much better place mentally.  I'm stronger and I've moved on in some regards.  I don't need another distraction.  One that can potentially be harmful to my self esteem.  If my sister in law and cousins don't want to email me pictures like I've begged them to, then shame on them.  I do it for them.  In fact, I plan on making some changes.  I'm going to work very hard to be on my phone less.  To check my phone less.  To only get on the computer when Taylor AND Jake are either both asleep, or away. 

I don't think I'm overly addicted or obsessed with my phone.  I really don't. But, I'm the worst at home.  Any down time, I check my phone.  Any time Taylor wants to watch a show or play alone, I check my phone.  If I'm a passenger in the car, I check my phone.  But, it's just too much.  I want to get back to basics a little.  I want to strive to be more present in my child and husband's lives.  I think I'm a good mom, but there is room for improvement and this is one of them.    Additionally, I think being on my phone less (consulting Dr. Google, BabyCenter, Instagram) will reduce stress and improve my self esteem.

There are times, mostly brought on my secondary infertility, that I get overly obsessed with googling, hence the phone and laptop usage.  The last 20+ days has been one of those times.  I'm constantly googling things about my FET cycle, when to start POAS, checking my ATTNL group, etc etc.  I just get stuck in this obsessive state that revolves around electronic devices and I don't like it.

You see, I don't want to miss any of my precious daughter's childhood.  I want her to see me as her biggest fan. And I want to remember each and every little miracle she makes.  She is my world and I don't want to miss it.  It's unfortunate enough that the grief and infertility alone take some of that away. I don't need my pesky phone doing the same.

There are three main reasons that I want to downscale my iphone and laptop usage....
1) to be as active and involved a parent as I can be.  I don't want to miss a moment and I want to take advantage of being a mama to a toddler, as I may never have this opportunity again.
2) to let go even more of the infertility struggle and stress I face everyday
3) to continue to build my self esteem back up by not comparing myself to others on Facebook and other social networks

In order to make this happen here are my new rules for myself:
- no laptop whatsoever unless it's family included (skype with family, looking for vacations, etc) while Taylor and Jake are home/awake
- no googling on my phone unless Taylor is sleeping
- Check Instagram once a day
- Blogs are to be read/written during Taylor's morning cartoon show or while she is asleep
-text messages are to be enjoyed as that's how I keep my adult interaction.  But, I will not get up and engage in text messaging during playtime or hubby time. That can be done while Taylor is playing independently, sleeping, gymnastics, or during gym time.

By the way, this blog post, and the other ones mentioned in it are what made me finally take the leap to downscale the technology devices:
**to my friends who are still struggling with #1, please note that the above post is about being a mother to children and how to be a better, more involved mother in our technological generation**